Blood Runs Thick
by dannidlh
Summary: This is all to much. She did not sign up from this. She can not do this. But she loves him. can she make it work? Join Olivia and Fitz as they tackle life, family and love.
1. Chapter 1

She was breathtaking. He knew he was bias because she was his wife. But god she was gorgeous. He was late, he promised her he would be home before nine and it was currently, glancing down at his watch, one thirty. He was late and that is why he is in this predicament right now. She was fast asleep on their bed. Wearing nothing but a deep purple thong that made her smooth mocha skin pop. Loose curls were sprawled all over her face. She was indeed a sleeping beauty. He was a very lucky man. He couldn't find it in himself to wake her up. So, he quietly grabbed a pair of boxers from the drawer and went to the spare bedroom to take his shower. About halfway through his shower he realized her had forgotten his shampoo. Lucky enough for him his wife keeps the spare bathroom stocked. He sifted through the options _Carol's daughter black vanilla shampoo and a matching conditioner or Shea _moisturizer_ hair growth. _He made a mental pro and con list and decided that he would use carols daughter. His hair grew rather fast and didn't need any assistance in that department. He put a dime size amount of the shampoo on his hand and rubbed them together. He inhaled the scent it smelled heavenly. He ran it through his hair and did the exact same thing with the conditioner. He quickly finished up and dried off. He slipped his boxers back on and went back to his room.

Liv was still fast asleep. When he left, she was lying on her stomach, but it seems she shifted in her sleep. She now was now on her back. Her arms and legged spread out as much as they could possibly be. Her breast was both at full display. Which returned him to his earlier thought. "My god you are perfect". He laughed to himself before snapping a picture of her sleepless form. The next part has never been fun for him. He had to wake her up.

He turned the lamp on so he could turn the main light off. He did his whole routine, making sure her slippers were at the right spot, setting the glass of water on her bedside table and double checked that the closet door was closed. Once all that was done, I plugged in my phone and went to get in bed.

"Livvie" I called out her name gently in hopes not to frighten her. She didn't move. "Baby come on you gotta wake up" I shook her slightly.

"mhmmm' was all I got in response. "Fine I will move you myself" I said letting out a small laugh. I gently placed o arm underneath her legs and the other supported her head. The second I Lifted her off the bed her eyes drifted open.

"Hi"

My eyes clashed with her brown orbs

"Hi"

She snuggled her head into my bear chest. I walked over to her side of the bed. And placed her down. She groaned in displeasure. "Come back I'm cold"

"if you had clothes on you wouldn't be so cold' I countered back as I kissed her on the forehead. I went to my side of the bed and pulled the covers back. I wasn't in the bed for all of two seconds before she spoke. "Wait I don't want to sleep in this" she said referring to the thong. 'Well than take it off".

She huffed "I'm too tired will you take them off please?"

I thought she was kidding but then I saw the pout she had on her lips. "you know I used to think it would be fun marrying someone substantially younger than I" I got out of the bed and walked over to her. "Hey, I am fun to be married too Mr., I come home on time and don't break promises" she had him there.

"I know I am really sorry about that I got caught up with work I had a call from Chi- "

"Shh I was just kidding now take this off me" "Anything for you pretty lady" I hooked my thumbs in both sides of the thong and pulled them off her slowly. I threw them in the hamper. "Anything else before I get into bed"

"umm…. Yes, can you turn the fan on then I promise I will leave you alone"

I gave her a glare "You just complained you were cod and now you want the fan on? You make no sense you do realize that"

"you and I both know that your body heat burns me up at night if you plan on actually staying on your side of the bed then you don't have to turn on the fan" she said matter of factly.

"Fine ill turn It on" he said just above a whisper "You want me to grab you a shirt?"

"No but I want you to come to bed" he didn't argue with that. He got into bed and they slid together like the opposites of a magnet.

She snuggled her face into his neck and inhaled. She inhaled again and still wasn't satisfied she kept inhaling.

"Olivia what are you doing?" he asked laughing. "Why do you smell like that? You smell *inhale* different *inhale* like *inhale* I can't pinpoint it. *inhales* cream, not that's not right *inhales* Carmel *No is it cake *Dammit no its not *inhales* its..."

"vanilla" he says helping her out.

*inhales* why do you smell like vanilla? *inhales*

"Would you quit that?"

"oh yeah sorry"

When it finally seemed like she had dropped the matter and was going to sleep he closed his eyes.

"Fitz why do you smell like vanilla?"

"I though you were tired?"

"I was but then my husband who said he would be home at nine came home at one in the morning smelling like vanilla. So, I am no longer tired." He opened his eyes and looked at her. She still had her eyes closed but he could tell by the lines in her foreheads that she was about to cry.

Thinking on the situation he went about this all the wrong way and he does seam a little shady.

"liv look at me" she didn't open her eyes.

"Livvie?"

She opened her eyes at the nickname

"I love you and only you. I promise you that I was working. Okay?"

She was crying now

"Please don't cry" he pulled her closer into his side

"you were sleeping when I got home, I didn't want to wake you, so I took a shower in the guest bathroom. Except your dummy of a husband forgot his shampoo so he had to use what was in there. Guess what kind?"

"Vanilla" she laughs out

"Vanilla" he repeats

"I'm sorry" she whispers suddenly feeling ashamed

"Don't be I would be suspicious too. I promise to call if I am going to be later then I suspect."

"you don't have to rally I was overreacting"

"you weren't Liv, I will call"  
"Okay"

"I love you Olivia Carolyn Grant"

"I love you too Fitzgerald Thomas Grant"  
and with that they both fell into a blissful sleep. Little did they know that their lives would forever be changed.

**Liv Pov**

I was the first one awake which wasn't a surprise. We were tucked together impossibly close. One hand was wrapped on my boob and the other was tucked between my thighs. I laughed to myself he was so possessive and didn't even know it. I turned carefully in his hold, so I didn't wake him. He looked so handsome when he slept. He looked handsome when he breathed but there was something about how peaceful he looked when he slept. His worry lines were gone, and he just looked perfect.

"Quit staring" his deep baritone voice scared her causing her to jump. A smile graced his face

"It isn't funny you ass" she swatted at his chest.

"Hey potty mouth watch it" he joked

She smiled and snuggled into his chest. "What are we doing today?" he asked pulling her somehow closer.

"Nothing stay home all-day watch reruns and order take out?" He simply nodded his head and looked down at her.

His blue eyes momentarily freezing her in place. Before she knew what, she was doing her lips were attacking his. It took him a moment to respond but when he did their tongues battled for dominance.

Then the shrieking from the doorbell disrupted there moment. She pulled back and laughed "I'll get it" she gave him a quick peck on the lips before getting out of the bed. she walked out the room and down the hallway. "Olivia Grant" she laughed "Yes Mr., Grant: she called from the hallway. "Get that ass back in here and throw a shirt on".

She walked back in the room with a Cheshire grin on her face. "Sorry I forgot" she said innocently. "Sure, you did" she slipped on his old navy t shirt and made her way downstairs.

She opened the door without looking through the peep hole.

"hewwo my wame is Lillain Jane Grant. Im wooking for my waaddy. Fizzerald Gwant wa wird"

"Fitz!"


	2. Chapter 2

_**Sorry for the typos I write these on my phone. As for my other stories I did have more chapters written but I didn't like them, I felt like I wasn't giving Olivia the right ways to cope and heal. I am researching and looking into it so I can have a chapter up by the end of this week. Thanks for the nice comments I really do appreciate it. **_

FITZ!

The sound of her voice echoed through the house. Her voice was foreign to me. It was like a mix of fear and confusion. Regardless of what the problem was that had his wife in distress he was out of bed in .2 seconds.

He threw the blankets off himself and took the stairs two at a time. Before either of them knew it, he was standing by her side.

"What is it what's wrong?" I rubbed soothing circles on her back. Which normally calmed her down, but she was only growing more tense. She moved away from his touch.

"Hewwo"

His eyes snapped down to see who had spoken.

Chills spread across his body. Her eyes were a clear ice blue. He felt like he was in a trance. She looked barely old enough to speak let alone be aloud somewhere on her own.

On instinct he looked around looking for her parents. He knew it was no use. Their land stretched ten miles each direction. There cabin wasn't even on the maps. So, someone just tumbling on to this lot would be impossible. This was deliberate. But who deliberately leaves a child in the middle of the woods?

Olivia cleared her throat "Why don't you come in Lillian"

"Twank you" Fitz didn't move so the young girl walked around him.

Fitz's eyes met Liv's she was just as confused as he was.

"Would you like something to drink I think we might have juice?"

"Apwle pwease" Olivia nodded her head and led the girl further into their house. Olivia knew they had apple juice it was Fitz's favorite. She tried to think that it was just a coincidence.

She poured a small glass for the girl and handed it to her.

Fitz was still in a trans of some sort. She could tell he was thinking but she needed him to be present.

"Is he awight?" the little girl inquires

"He is fine why don't you tell him what you told me" liv prompts.

She walks right up Infront of Fitz glass in hand. "hewwo my wame is Lillain Jane Grant. I'm wooking for my waaddy. Fizzerald Gwant wa wird"

"Your what?" he spits out much louder than he meant too.

The young girl jerks back scared. he instantly feels bad.

"Fitzgerald!" Olivia scolds him.

"I... I ... I'm sorry I didn't mean to yell" he drops down Infront of her.

"You said your name is Lillian?"

She shook her head yes "Lilly for short"

"Lilly Grant?"

Again, she nodded.

"Okay just okay" he slowly stood up.

"You awe nwaked" Lilly said quietly.

His ears started to burn, and he could tell without looking at them that thy were lobster red.

"Right sorry let me go get dressed"

He glanced at liv and she only sent a nod in his direction.

He ran up the stairs.

_What the hell is happening. She doesn't look older than three. So, four years ago I was dating. No one I wasn't dating anyone. I slept around a lot it could be any number of women. She can't be yours there is no way. You've been married to liv for six months. You dated and were engaged for a year, so that is about a year and half you only slept with one person. So, think dammit Fitz think. _

These were only a few of the thoughts that were swarming around Fitz's brain. He threw on a t shirt and slipped into some grey sweatpants. He stopped for one moment to just think. He needed to be okay enough to go down there and deal with this situation

"Okay get it together". A moment later he was ready. It dawned on him in that moment Olivia didn't have anything but his shirt on. He grabbed her a pair of her booty shorts and walked down the stairs. When he got to the kitchen the little girl was laughing with liv. Who was standing in the same spot he had left her. Behind the kitchen counter no doubt guarding her bottom half from the girl.

There eyes met the second he was visible to her. He handed her the shorts. "Thanks" she slipped them on and met me on the opposite side of the counter.

She gave my hand a small squeeze.

"Lilly is it okay if we ask you some questions?" he said gently.

"Suwe" she smiled showing off a few teeth.

"Who is your Mommy?"

She thought for a minute

"mewody but I just caw her mommy"

"Melody?" the young girl shook her head and just continued to talk.

"mommy said gife this to you" she opened a small hello kitty backpack and grabbed a manila folder.

Fitz grabbed it and opened it. Inside there were pictures and a note. Forgoing the pictures for now he opened the letter.

_Dear Fitzgerald,_

_Let me start by saying sorry. I should have told you about her. Her name is Liliana Jane Grant. She is two years old but if you ask her, she will be as specific as possible. Today she is two years nine months and six days old. She is smart so so smart. She reminds me a lot of you. It was never my intention to keep her from you. The second I found out I wanted to tell you. But you had moved on. As much as it hurt me to see you with her, I realized that this would only hurt you more. You had such big dreams and I wanted so desperately to be a part of them. I realize now that it was childish of me. You are a good man, I wanted you to be happy. For you to be happy I couldn't be with you. I have gotten myself in trouble because of that decision. You see it wasn't chance that I ran into you the night we met. It was all planned and well-orchestrated by people much higher in power than you and I. It was their idea for me to get pregnant. So, I did what was necessary to survive. I poked a whole in the condom. Nine months later and a 13-hour labor god blessed me with our beautiful daughter. The plan was to show up on your doorstep and present you with her. To make you take me back. But the second she opened her eyes and looked at me I knew she couldn't be a pawn in all of this. I do admit I loved you but the love I had for you meant nothing compared to our baby girl. Since I didn't follow their orders they came after me. I was able to go undercover for a few years. My father helped me he makes fake documents. She had a normal stable life. That was until two months ago my father died. I was dumb enough to attend the funeral. That is where they found me. The threats started again, and I tried to run but without my father. I couldn't I just couldn't keep doing this anymore. So, I had to find you. You are a very hard man to find. It wasn't even you I tracked it was your wife. Congratulations by the way. You don't have a tell you've never had a tell no matter where I looked, I could never find your pressure point. But your wife, she was easy. Wine, Red expensive wine to be exact. She can't live without it and you being the ever so adoring husband you had no problem getting it for her. Fine wine is expensive as I am sure you are aware; it is also traceable. I narrowed it down to three houses. La, no way you hate the sun. Detroit, maybe you have always loved the snow but there are to many democrats. Vermont, then it hit me, the cabin. The jam, the soccer dad. It was your dream so on a whim I sent her there. They leave notes, right? When people kill themselves? I have been through all the options, removing myself from the equation is the only way. Lilly loves apple juice just like her dad. She loves to watch the news, but you must make sure it is pre reordered because I don't want her to see the backstabbing. She excels in most things; she is wiser than kids her age. Her bedtime is seven do not let her talk you into any longer. Watch after my baby I beg of you. Tell her I love her every day and make sure she is protected. Thank Olivia in advance for me. She will be the only mother figure for my daughter. I wouldn't just leave her with anyone. Olivia is a pediatric surgeon and she is very good from what I have heard. Her patients love her. She is attentive to each child and eases the minds of each parent. She has the maternal gene. From her file I know she has suffered from two miscarriages. I am sorry for your loss that must have been hard for you both. If you thought, she was worthy enough to bear your child then she must be a magnificent woman. So, I ask her to lend a helping hand in raising Lilly. There is so much more you deserve to know, and I truly am sorry I am not there to assist you. Promise me you will protect my baby._

_Sincerely, Melody Robinson_

**_Sorry it is so short. hope you enjoyed ~D_**


	3. Chapter 3

"I don't know what to do?"

He looked broken. It brought tears to her eyes.

"Olivia please tell me what to do."

Lilly was currently fast asleep on the couch. Which Olivia thanked god for. Olivia had put on a movie for her while Fitz and she talked. They had gone upstairs and the second she closed the door. He was on the floor. He wasn't crying at least not yet. He was on the floor knees to his chest rocking back and forth. She had only saw him like this once before and that was when they had lost their first baby. It honestly broke her heart. He didn't deserve this. And now he was asking her what to do. She couldn't worry about what she was feeling. And what was she feeling anyway? That was something she was going to have to figure out later. Right now, he needed her.

"We can take her to the hospital when she wakes up and I can do a paternity test. It will take a couple of days to get back, but I will put a rush on it. So, by tomorrow night we can know. Fitz she is going to need you, I am going to need you, so you need to snap out of this. We can do this alright?"

He just nodded. She got on the ground next to him and hugged him. He fit together with her perfectly he laid his head on her chest and felt the rising and the falling. It brought him so peace. If this was his daughter, they were in for a ride.

"We are in this together?" he asked just above a whisper.

"We are always in everything together" she replied.

"Okay so all I have to do is put this in your mouth and rub it against your cheek. Okay?"

"Will it wurt?"

"No, I promise it won't hurt." She still looked scared. Her eyes were big and ice blue and she had a crease right in the middle of her forehead. The same one Fitz gets when he is anxious or nervous. Olivia didn't need the test results she knew that Lilly was his daughter.

"Look I can do Fitz first" Lilly smiled and looked over at Fitz who seemed to be in his own world.

"Baby, come here"

Fitz grabbed her hand and intertwined their fingers.

"Open up" Olivia demanded softly.

"Yes ma'am" he responded playfully before he opened his mouth nice and big for her. She carefully put the swab in his mouth and rotated it in a circular motion. He started to smile.

"Is it wurting?" Lilly inquired

Olivia pulled the swab out and place it in a glass test tub before screwing the lid on.

"No, not at all it just tickles a little" Fitz let out a little laugh.

"Okay your turn ready?" Olivia pulled out another swab.

"Will you wold my wand" Lilly asked looking directly at Fitz.

"Uh" he glances at Olivia who just gave him a warm smile.

"Of course," he took the tiny girl's hand in his. instantly he felt this spark. He wanted to believe that this wasn't his daughter. That her love for apple juice and news were both just a coincidence. That the way she chews on the inside of her cheek when she is thinking just happened to be something people do.

"Fizz" the sweet voice drew him out of his thoughts.

"Yes?"

"You can let go of my wand now I'm all wone" she wiggled her hand.

"Oh right, sorry" he let go of her hand and turned once again to Olivia who didn't want to meet his eyes.

"I'll get these to the lab" before I could say anything to her, she was out the door.

Olivia's POV

They just looked normal together. like they were meant to be together, like they were...Father and daughter.

"Hey love, what are you doing here on your day off?" Abby came out of nowhere.

"Um... Fitz might have a daughter who showed up at our door this morning. So, you know now I must put a rush on these DNA tests. I waved the two tests in the air. "I have to make sure that my husband indeed has a two-year-old child that he didn't know about... that I didn't know about. I can't even have feelings on the matter because... because I can't give him the one thing he has wanted since the day we met I can't give him the one thing I promised him since we got married. I can't deny him having her because I can't give him a child of our own." I didn't know when the tears started to fall.

Abby just stared at me like I had grown another head.

"Right, okay I have got to go to the lab" I wiped the tears off my face.

"Wait Liv, it isn't your fault and you know that. If it is his daughter, then you guys got this. He loves you Olivia and you love him. Communicate okay?" she grabbed my hand.

"Yeah, you're right."

"So, come on let's get these to the lab"

**Later that night...**

"Quinn told me we should have the results by lunch tomorrow" he didn't respond.

"We are going to have to get some clothes for her. My shirts are way too big."

They had set Lilly up in the spare bedroom. She was currently asleep after two glasses of apple juice and a promise to go shopping tomorrow.

"Fitzgerald are you even listening to me?" he had been doing this since they left the hospital. Not listening and just mumbling a few answers here and there. To say that she was tired of it was an understatement.

Still nothing.

"Fine whatever you can shut down and act like I'm not your wife. That is perfectly fine." she pulled the blankets down on her side of the bed and threw the throw pillows on the floor.

"That isn't what I'm doing Livvie. Why did you leave the room so fast, back at the hospital?" she stopped what she was doing taken back by his question.

"I didn't, I had to go to the lab" she lied

"Don't do that. Do not lie to me. We don't do that. Not to each other." She flinched at the hurt in his voice.

"I'm tired can I just go to sleep?"

"Fine"

He turned the over headlight off which just left the dim light from the lamp on his bed side table. She watched him as he placed her slippers at the perfect spot on the floor and turned the fan on. Next, he sat the glass of water on her bedside table and made sure the closet door was shut. Then he stripped into just his boxers and crawled into bed.

She heard him click the lamp off and waited until his breathing was even, which was the sign that he was asleep. Only then did she cry, she let all the pain of losing her children out. all the pain of the not knowing.

**Fitz POV**

I knew something was wrong with her and she was waiting for the right moment, when she thought I wasn't watching, to be vulnerable. So, thirty minutes after I had 'fallen asleep" It was no supposed to me that she began to cry. I rolled on my side and pulled her into my chest. that only made her tiny body shake even harder. the uncontrollable sobs that were overcoming her scared me. "It's okay, I'm here all you have to do is let me in". I let her cry for as long as she needed, until finally her sobs subsided. "I know she is your daughter." was all she stated. "I know I got that feeling too but that isn't the only thing that is bothering you." she rolled over in my arms so she could see my face.

she waited a moment probably thinking of the she best way to bring up whatever it was.

"I wanted so desperately to give you what you wanted, and I failed Fitz. I failed you and I am so sorry. Now you have the one thing I can't give you and I just don't know how I fit into this new life you're going to have. I am your wife and I failed you. Just please don't leave me, now that you have what you want you don't have a use for me anymore. but I can't live without you I don't know who I am without you. so please just stay."

She was back to crying and with what she had just confessed she wasn't the only one.

He cleared his throat, "Olivia what happened was not your fault. I have never blamed you not once. Baby you have to stop blaming yourself. You are the love of my life. I would never leave you. There is no me without you. We are going to get through this together. If Lilly is mine that makes her ours. Children was never my priority. Children with you that is my dream. I will love Lilly the same as our future kids liv. It's not one or the other. Livvie we can have both, we will have both. Okay?"

Her tears once again stopped "Okay".

"Now can my fantastic, beautiful wife give me a kiss and promise me that the next time something is on her mind she will tell me."

"I promise baby." then she kissed him. it was one of those kisses where all your nerve endings begin to burn. your breath gets caught and you realize just how much one person can love another.

And with that the both felt asleep. Olivia tucked in her rightful place in Fitz arms.


	4. Chapter 4

"Wivia?"

I rolled out of Fitz's arms onto my side.

"Hey Wivia?"

I took me a few moments to realize Lily was standing by my side of the bed. I couldn't hear her very well over the constant buzzing on the fan.

I took the blankest off me and got up careful not to wake Fitz. She watched me as I slipped my feet into my slippers and walked to the fan to turn it off.

"Is everything okay?" I asked squatting down to her eye level. She shook her no and looked somewhat embarrassed.

It took a little coaxing but after promising her that everything was okay, she finally told me what was wrong.

"I had accident. I sworry." Her little face scrunched up as tears began to fall from her fac. It was at that point that I noticed that the shirt she was wearing had aa dark wet stain.

"Hey, it's okay don't worry about we will get you all cleaned up?"

"You waren't mad?" Her lip started to quiver, and her eyes were brimmed with a fresh round of tears.

"No, I'm not mad at all honey accidents happen" I gave her a warm smile and took her to our bathroom.

"I'm going to run the bath for you, and we can get you all washed up okay?"

She shook her head yes but still looked upset and scared. I didn't really know how to act. I have always known I wanted kids but I always thought I would get the practice when they were babies, so I knew how to work when they were toddlers. With Lilly I was just thrown into it all. No practice to make me perfect.

I ran the water keeping it at a warm temperature. I even added some of my lavender scented bubble bath. I turned around when she stripped my shirt off her tiny frame suddenly feeling awkward. I waited until I heard the water sloshing to turn around. Once she was in her lower half was covered by bubbles. I watched her play with the bubbles for a few minutes before I spoke.

"You know when I was little girl not much older than you, I used to wet the bed when I was scared. My mom would just hug me and tell me that I was okay. She never got mad at me and before I knew it, I wasn't peeing the bed anymore." She still looked uncertain.

"Do you think my dwaddy won't want me because I messed up his bed?" she had tears rolling down her face and my heart physically slit at the sight. Fitz and I both underestimated how much Lilly understood. It was in that movement I knew that even if those tests came back negative. Lilly was our daughter.

"No matter what you do Lilly, no matter where you are your Daddy is going to love you. He will always want you no matter what. I promise you that" I rubbed her back and gave her my best smile. She seemed to except my answer.

"You are weally pretty Wivia" She splashed some of the bubbles onto her face.

"Thanks, you're really pretty too" I smiled again wiping the bubbles off her face.

"Do you wove my Dwaddy, are you gwuys married?"

I smiled somehow even brighter when she mentioned Fitz. When she was around it's like I couldn't keep the smile off my face. "I love him so so so much and yes we are married." I Flashed her my ring finger and her eyes lit up.

"Wow its pwetty. I bet it cost a whole lot of money. How come you don't have a bwaby. My mommy said that when two people weally woves eachother. They have babies." She continued to splash the water and bubbles around. She didn't know that what she was asking was breaking down the walls I had spent the last year trying to reinforce.

"Your mommy was right. We had a baby once but she was rally sick in my belly and she passed away." I said trying hard to mask the pain in my voice. She went quiet for a few minutes.

"Im sworry Wivia" she grabbed my hand and squeezed it.

"You can be my new mommy if you want too. I pwomise not to get sick and I will be good." She didn't look at me her attention went back to the bubbles.

"You have a mommy already sweetheart." I went to the cabinet and grabbed her a towel.

"My mommy is dead" she responded void of emotion. I dropped the towel and turned to look at her. She was still playing with the bubbles. "Who told you that?" I inquired.

"My mommy did, she said I had to come live with dwaddy cause the bad men where going to kill her. So, she had to do it first."

I didn't know what to say. What could I say? I decided to wait and address it until Fitz was awake.

"You ready to get out?" she shook her head yes so, I picked the towel off the floor and opened it up for her. I lifted her out of the bathtub and sat he on the ground before pulling the plug in the bath.

"I am gonna grab you a shirt give me one second." I quietly opened the bathroom door revealing a sleeping Fitz. Since I got out of the bed he had shifted over into my side. Not that we really had sides we mostly slept on top of each other anyway. His unruly curls were sticking up everywhere. He looked so handsome and at peace. I grabbed one of his old navy shirts. I happened to glance at the clock 3:30. There was no telling at what time Lilly had waken me up. I went back to the bathroom and made sure she was dry and turned around as she slipped on his shirt.

"This smells like my dwaddy" she let out hands down the cutest laugh I had ever heard.

"It does I wear it every time he leaves. It reminds me of him." I smiled back at her.

Her curls reminded me of Fitz's. The shirt had about three inches hanging on the floor, but she looked comfortable in it. She was a beautiful girl, Bright blue eyes and full lips. She had cute little freckles that spread around her face. She was the spitting image of Fitz.

She reached her hand up for me to grab. "Can I have some apple jwuice?"

"Sure, and then back to bed" I grabbed her hand and led her out of the bathroom and then the bedroom. We made a quick stop so that I could strip the blankets and sheets of her bed and throw them in the washer.

I got her the apple juice she requested and sat her on the bar stool so she could finish it. "Where does dwaddy go when he goes bye bye?"

"He goes away for work, but he always comes back." I assured her.

"All done" she smiled and handed me the cup. A yawn slipped from her mouth.

I put the cup in the sink and lifted her off of the barstool. She gripped my neck tighter and snuggled her head into my chest. She smelt like lavender and her hugs were magical. I went to put her down, but she held on even tighter sending me the message that she didn't want to be put down. I carried her up the stair and back into my room. The spare bed would have to be deep cleaned and I didn't feel like getting into all of that this early in the morning so she could sleep with Fitz and me. I put her down in the bed and she crawled under the blankets. She Snuggled into Fitz side. Fitz on instinct wrapped his arm around her and snuggled her right back. They were cute together. I grabbed my phone and snapped a picture before I crawled into bed myself. She turned in Fitz's arms to look at me.

"Owivia"

"Yes baby?"

"I wike it here. I weally do." She yawned again.

"I'm glad you do. Now get some sleep."

She whispered a good night before she was fast asleep. She left me with a lot to think about. She was already calling Fitz daddy. I had a lot to work out within myself but Lilly she didn't deserve this. I watched the rise and fall of her tiny chest for a while before my eyelids got to heavy and I fell back asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hope you guys like this update. I worked super hard on it. Like always excuse the errors, and enjoy!! **

Normally on Sundays we would be up and ready to go to church. I knew today was not a normal day. I woke up to Liv and Lilly Snuggled into my side. They looked precious. Lilly's hair was sprawled all over her face. Her unruly curls reminded me a lot of mine. Everything about her reminded me of myself. She has to be mine, and I don't know how that made me feel. Was I supposed to hope she wasn't mine? Was I supposed to be happy, am I allowed to be happy?

But then I look at liv, she has been through so much. She has wanted a family since day one of our relationship. We talked openly about the family we would create together. God had different plans. Losing the first baby we handled, it was early in her pregnancy. When we lost the second baby she was farther along in her pregnancy. She had already grown attached. She didn't handle it well, neither of us did.

She took it the worst and it took several months for us to get back to a normal place. She was getting better, and now this. From talking to her about it last night and getting her feelings on the topic, I can't expect her to go along with this. Raise a baby when she can't have one.

My heart had a sliver of hope when I awoke to them snuggling together. They were the cutest girls I have ever seen. The question of why Lilly was in our bed never crossed my mind. I watched them for a few minutes before I carefully and quietly got out of bed. I turned off the fan, knowing that Liv would be freezing and went to the bathroom. I brushed my teeth and used the bathroom. Before I went to the closet to get dressed. I normally sleep naked but since I had a potential daughter in the house I kept on boxers. I thre a shirt and some gym shorts on.

Suddenly my phone began to ring.

"Dammit" I practically ran out the closet and to my night stand to answer it before it woke up the girls.

"**Hello" **I whispered into the phone

"**Hey, why are we whispering?" **Abby said in a hushed tone.

I walked out the bedroom and silently closed the door behind me.

"**The girls are sleeping stil what's up?" **I said in my normally voice.

**"Oh sorry I figured you guys were on your way to church." **She said apologetically

"**I figured we should stay home today, you know with everything that is going on."**

**"Yeah of course, that's why I am calling actually I got the results back." **

My heart stopped. I didn't know what to think or feel".

"**You want to wait for Olivia?" **She asked.

"**No , uh you can just tell me. I'll I'm tell her when she gets up". **Part of me thought I should wait for Olivia but there was no telling when she was going to get up and I couldn't just sit here with the bit knowing.

"**Congratulations, they came back positive you are her Dad." I **smiled because I was happy , confused but so happy.

"**Okay thank you Abby I really appreciate this." **

**"Is Liv okay we talked yesterday and she seemed stressed?" **

Abby and Liv has a very flow relationship so I assumed the Liv had spoke to Abby about her reservations about our current predicament .

**"I talked to her. She is going to be okay." **Or at least I hoped so.

"**Okay well, call me if you need anything . I love you you guys."**

**"We will. We love you too bye."**

I hung up the phone and went downstairs. I sat on the barstool in the kitchen and I just thought. I thought about how our lives are changing and how I hope it's for the better.

I had just finished up breakfast when I heard tiny feet pattering against the floor.

"Gwood Morning!!" Lily exclaimed as ran at me hitting my legs at full force and grasping them in a tight embrace.

"Good morning beautiful, how did you sleep?" Her face got red and she let go of my legs. She backed up only to run into Liv's legs. She looked up meter her eyes. Liv sent her a reassuring smile "It's okay" she whispered grabbing her hand.

I looked back and forth between the two confused on what was happening.

"Can you twell him?" She pleaded

"Tell me what?" I asked grabbing both of there attentions.

"She had an accident last night. But we got her all cleaned up and that's why she slept with us. Isn't that right sweetie?"

Liv pulled her hand so that she wasn't hiding behind her legs.

"I sworry" she whispered looking at the floor.

"Hey, it's okay daddy isn't mad."

The use of the term daddy didn't go unnoticed by Olivia, unable to meet her gaze I crouched down infront of Lilly.

"Pwomise?" She stuck out her pinky for me to grab.

I wrapped my substantial bigger pinky around hers "I promise, now get to the table I've made breakfast."

She let go of Live hand and ran to the table. Leaving Olivia and I alone.

"Mornin' baby" I pecked her lips before turning around and plating the food.

"Did Abby call?" She asked reaching around me to grab a piece of bacon and taking a bite of it.

"Yeah She di-"

"Fits will you look at me and stop hiding?" She asked annoyed but in a low tone so that Lilly wouldn't hear. I wiped my hands on a rag and turned to look at her.

She looked tired like she didn't get enough sleep last night and that worried me.

"What did Abby say?" She inquired still chewing on the piec of bacon.

I looked in her eyes and I knew that she already knew she just wanted to hear me say it.

"Positive, the test came back positive. I am her Dad" she stoped chewing and just looked at me.

A few moments passed and she just continued to stare.

"Li-"

A smile graced her perfect lips. Not a forced one a genuine smile. She was happy, she was actually happy.

"That's good, we are going to have to go get clothes today for her and the bed upstairs needs steamed." She grabbed the plates from the counter and walked one over to Lilly.

"Here you go pumpkin. You want some juice?" She asked with a smile on her face.

"Awpple pwease" Lilly stated with a mouthful of bacon.

I reached behind me and grabbed a glass. "Here you go" Liv was right behind me i turned and presented her with the glass. She accepted it and planted a kiss on my lips.

"What was that for?" I asked with a chuckle, holding onto her waist.

"I am so in love with you." She causally said.

"I am like so in love with you too" I whispered against her lips.

"Jwuice!" Lilly said interrupting there moment.

"Yes ma'am!" Liv moves out of my hold and went to the fridge. After she got juice for Lilly and coffe for the two of us, I sat our plates down on the table and we all began to eat.

"So pumpkin I was thinking we could go shopping today and pick up some things for you?" Liv spoke to Lilly.

"Wike what?" She asked I'm between shoveling her face full of eggs.

"You need clothes and a toothbrush and we have to get you a smaller bed." I said grabbing Liv's hand.

"She doesn't need a bed we have one in the basement." I have her a puzzled look.

"The crib can be turned into a bed remember?" She took a sip of her coffe and sent a smile in Lilly's direction.

I rubbed the back of her hand with my thumb "Baby we don't have to use it." I spoke carefully hoping not to open wounds that have been closed.

"Fits we aren't going to use it, it will just sit down their and collect dust."

The way the words came out were hateful but I was hoping she didn't intend it that way.

"Okay" I retuned my haze to my daughter. I smiled inwardly I never thought I would be able to say that.

"We can get some decorations for your room too if you would like."

She smiled showing of teeth. She was the cutest thing I could have ever seen. She reminded me of a younger me. A wave of sadness washed over me. I wasn't there when she was born. For the past two years we have been strangers.

"What about this one?" I held up a green dress.

"No it's ugly." She has said that to the past six dresses. Olivia left to go grab groceries and assigned me with getting a few dresses for Lilly. So far I was failing.

"Okay fine" I lifted her out of the cart and placed her on the ground.

"You pick out a few." I watched her roam around and look at a few of the dresses. She didn't seem to like any of them.

"Is there anything I could help you guys with?" A blonde girl approached us I assumed she worked here. "Hi, yes I am looking for dresses for my daughter and she doesn't seem to like any of these." I said pointing to the dresses behind us.

"I want pwurple ones." Lilly said eyeing the girl and instinctively grabbing my hand.

"We have more dresses over here I would love to show you."

I nodded and she led us to a different section of the store.

"Here are our purple ones."

Lilly's eyes lit up.

"Fizzz there are so many!" She let go of my hand and ran to the dresses.

"You can get three for now and if we need more we can come back."

"Okay daddy" she smiled at me briefly before returning to the dresses.

"She is so precious." I turned to the worker who was still standing next to me.

"Thanks she really is." I smiled and looked back at my daughter.

"How old is she?" She asked inching closer to me.

"She is two she will be three soon though"

"You are such a great Dad. She is blessed to have you." She placed her hand on my forearm and gave it a small squeeze.

**Olivia's Pov **

I leave him for thirty minutes and he manages to attract a skank.

"You are such a great dad, she is blessed to have you." I watched her place her hand on his arm.

"We both are lucky to have him" I said wrapping my arm around his waist protectively.

"Hey baby" he kissed my forehead and turned his attention back to the girl.

"I am the blessed one." He said proudly

"Who is she?" The girl asked with the fakest smile I have ever seen.

"Oh yes right, this is my beautiful wife Olivia." He smiled at me and I smiled right back.

I watched her eyes shift from me to Lilly. She was trying to figure out how a white baby was in any way related to me.

"We better help her or we will be here all night" I nudged at Fitz's side.

"Right, well thank you for your help.

"No problem" she mumbled and walked away.

"You can let go now Livvie I don't think she will be coming back," he laughed at me and kissed my forehead.

I let go of his wait but grabbed his and turned my attention to Lilly.

"Hey pumpkin you almost done?"

"When did you gwet back?" She asked running towards me and hugging my legs.

"I just got back, did you find some dresses?"

"I mwissed you" she squeezed my legs tighter before letting go.

"I found thwee dwesses" she held up three of her little chubby fingers.

"I missed you to pumpkin and great why don't you show me."

She picked out three purple dresses that were all different in style. I checked the tags and hoped that they would fit because it was already getting late and I didn't feel like going through the mess of having her try them on.

When we all agreed on the dresses we checked and headed home.

It was five thirty when we got home but we had a lot to unpack.

Fits carried everything in and put them in one of our empty rooms.

We decided that her bedroom would be the one right next to ours so that she wouldn't be to far away. Since we had four spair bedrooms we had a lot to choose from.

Before we left I made Fitz her the crib from the basement and remove the side rails so that it was a toddler bed.

"I will start dinner. You guys can go ahead and start." Fitz said as he dropped the last bag in the room.

"Okay" I kissed his cheek before he left.

"Alright first we are going to put away your new clothes!" I smiled at Lilly who was marveling at the room.

I showed her how to fold the clothes and put them on hangers. She was a natural for the most part it went by rather quickly. Then we were moving onto the next thing.

"You want to put the sheet and blankets on the bed?"

"Yes pwease!" She clapped her hands together and shook her head.

It took me a minute of looking through all the bags to find her bed spread.

She picked a princess and the frog comforter, so we got pillows and sheets to accommodate that.

She got two pillows and on each case there was a different face. One was Tatiana and the other was her prince.

"You know they were fwogs" she laughed as she put the pillow on her bed.

"They were? I bet that was funny" I tucked her comforter into the bottom of her bed and three her last pillow with the three one.

"Yeah it was, can we watch it tomorrow? I promise to be good" she asked stopping what she was doing to look up at me.

"Well me and daddy have to work tomorrow but when we get home we would love to." Her eyes started to water and the smile slipped from her pretty face.

"You gwuys are leaving too. I was gwood though.?"

She was wiping at the tears falling from her face with the back of her hands.

"Oh honey we are coming back. We will only leave for a few hours and you get to meet your grandma tomorrow she is super excited to meet you."

All she did was nod her head bust she didn't look convinced.

"Hey everything alright" I turned to see Fitz standing in the door looking at the two of us.

"We are going to work and she thinks we are leaving town like M-E-L-L-I-E did"

"Hey Bug come here"

I watched as she ran over to her dad. He squatted down and lifed her into his arms. Her head laid against his chest and she cried harder.

"I rweally like it here. I dont wanna weave."

She looked broken and it hurt me watching this scene unravel. She was way to young to understand what was happening so there was no point in trying to explain it to her at least not yet.

"You aren't ever going to leave baby. You are going to stay right here with me and liv I promise. We are going to love you and take good care of you. I promise okay." She sniffled and burried her head deeper into his chest.

"I think she is just tired. Is dinner almost ready?" I rubbed her small back.

"Yeah I just have to make the rice. You wanna take her and i can finish it up in about thirty minutes?"

She passed Lilly into my arms and gave us both kisses on our heads before he went back downstairs.

"You wanna put the decoration up?"

She nodded so I sat her back down on the ground.

We hung up her posters

One princess and the frog of course and one of Alexander Hamilton.

Which threw Fitz and I both off but she asked so we delivered. We hung up her map of the world.

She had a few unicorn stickers that we scattered along the room.

Her pink night table had a pink lamp that accompanied it.

Lastly she had a few wooden planks that had quotes written on them.

"Fitz will hang these up tomorrow is that okay."

"Yes ma'am" she stretched her hands up to me signaling that she wanted me to pick her up.

She wrapped her arms around me neck.

"What do you think pumkin?" I stood in the doorway so she could see the whole room.

"It's weally pweety" a yawn escaped her small mouth as she leaned her head against my shoulder.

"Why do you cwall me pwumkin?" She asked in a whisper her bright blue eyes searching for mine.

"Do you not like it?" Panic rose in my body. I hand even realized I was calling her it.

"No, you call me pwumkin I cwall you mommy"

"Alright pumkin" She hugger my neck.

"Let's go see if daddy has dinner ready" she nodded against my neck.

"Hey" he whispered "I was just about to get you both."

"Are you hungry" he asked her rubbing soothing circles on her back.

"Yes" She lofted her head up and looked around the kitchen.

"It smewlls good daddy" I put her in a chair and placed a plate in front of her.

"See if you like it baby" Fitz day next to her and watched her try it.

"Yes" she whispered feeding herself another bite.

"Fitz leave her alone and let her eat she is tired" I smiled and kissed his exposed neck.

"Right sorry, I can grab your plate." He went to get up but I pushed him back down. "I can get it you have slaved enough for us."

"I don't mind"

"Neither do I." I winked behind me at him as I grabbed our plates of the counter.

"You want some juice pumkin."

"Yes pwease mommy." She kept piling her face with food.

Fitz in the other hand nearly choked at the name.

He sent me a look that asked if I was okay with that I sent him a sweet smile back.

I found it endearing that after only a day she felt comfortable enough to call me mom.

"Baby you want juice or water?"

"Surprise me"

I poured us all juice and brought them to the table.

They both said thank oh and I sat down.

"How did it go up their? Fitz asked cutting his steak.

"It's so pweety"

"We finished most of it but you have to hang the planks up."

I watched Lilly for a second. She would put her fork in her mouth and slowly chew as her eyes drifted shut. Her head would fall back and she would wake herself up only to repeat the same motions.

I looked at Fitz who was occupied with his meal.

"Baby" I whispered he stopped and looked up at him. I sent my eyes in Lilly's direction and we watched as she did it again. The fork with food went in her mouth and then her head would drop and wake her up.

"Bug, you wanna go to bed?" Fitz didn't wait for an answer he put his knife and fork down and went to pick her up.

She jumped when he put his arms around her.

"We are going to go night night okay?" He whispered in her ear.

"Mommy nweeds kiss first" Fitz smiled at me.

"Of course bug." He brought her to me and I kissed her cheek.

"Night pumkin" she smiled and hugged me.

"Night mommy" she let go of me an instantly wrapped her arms around Fitz.

"I'll be back in a minute." Fitz whispered as he walked out of the kitchen.

It didn't take him that long to put her down. Soon he was coming back into the kitchen. I had since cleaned up her plate and put her dishes in the dish washer. I put our plates in the microwave so I would be warm when he back down.

"The room looks good baby." He pulled me into a hug.

"Thanks" I inhaled his scent. I enjoyed his body pressed into mine, it felt like home. Everything has been so chaotic and I just missed this.

"I love you big time" I wrapped my hands around his.

"I love you so much Livvie" he landed kisses in my hair.

"Let's finish eating so we can get to bed." He let go of me and got our plates from the microwave. We didn't bother eating at the table we just sat at the island and ate. We were diligently enjoying our food but I felt compelled to talk to him.

"Can we talk?" I asked putting my fork down.

"Anytime" he sent me a smile that let me know I could start at anytime.

"She is a really great kid, but she needs to talk to someone. Everything Mellie put her through, she is going to need someone. I know you are worried about me an thank you for that but I really am okay. She makes loveing her so easy. I would be stupid not to care for her. What happened was awful and I know that but you have to quit treating me like I am broken."

He looked at me with glossy eyes. He has been so strong for me and I love him so much for that but he never really got to grieve.

"Fitz it's okay to be sad. You don't Alabama have to be the strong one."

I crawled into his lap and snuggled into him.

His body started to shake and I knew he was crying. I kissed the tears that were falling from his eyes.

"We are okay baby" I whispered in between kisses. That only seemed to make him cry even harder. I pulled his head into my chest. He wrapped his arms around me and I held him.

He can't always be my hero. Sometimes the hero needs saving too. When his breathing became even and his body stopped shaking i knew he was calmer. I ran my hands through his curls and waited for him to talk.

A few moment later he began "I know you didn't sign up for this but I honestly couldn't do this without you. I love you so much and I hate seeing you in pain. Sometimes I forget I lost something too. She is a great kid and your right she should talk to someone. I will get on it. I'm sorry" he pulled away from his red tear stained face broke my heart.

"Don't be sorry. You haven't done anything. We are in this together. There is no one else I would want to go though this with. Just promise me to take care of yourself. I don't need you having a heart attack or anything." He smiled at me.

"Are you calling me old Livvie?" He smile was contagious and soon I felt my own cheeks being pulled into a smile.

"Me, I would never!" I exclaimed kissing his cheek.

"I love you." He smiled against my lips as I went in for a kiss.

"How about we take this to the bedroom." He wiggles his eyebrows as his hands traveled down to my ass.

"You are something else" I laughed as he stood up and took me with him.

"Shhh" I covered my mouth with my own hand and pulled back to look at him.

He hair was in his face his lips were red from our kisses and you could still see the tears that stained his face moments ago. If I could freeze one minute of my life this would be it. My vulnerable Fitz carrying me up the stairs to make love to me, OUR daughter sleeping peacefully in her room. I was truly blessed to have this life.


	6. Chapter 6

"Babe, I'm home." I announced as I took my key out of the door.

"Mommy is home!" I heard her and the small pitter patter of her feet agianst the wood floors before I saw her.

Seconds later she came barreling at me arms open.

"Hey pumkin." I dropped my purse and embraced her. She smelled like lavender and strawberries. I held her for a minute taking in her small frame and her warmth.

"Hey hunny" I opens my eyes not realizing I had closed them and looked up at Fitz.

He was wearing khakis and a polo shirt.

I stood up taking Lilly with me. She clung to my neck as I moved her to my hip. I left my purse an keys stranded on the floor.

"Hi" I kissed his lips

"Hi" he smiled down at me.

"One more" I whispered agianst his lips. Our lips locked again and we held them there for a second.

"Mommy guess what grandma got me." Lilly yelled into my ear breaking up the moment.

"What did she get you pumkin?" I asked backing out of Fitz's hold.

"A fish!" She said with the biggest smile on her face showing off her teeth.

"A fish?" I questioned looking back at Fitz.

"I tried to call but they said you were in surgery." He shrugged his shoulders as I rolled my eyes.

"That's great pumkin." I put her down.

"Wanna see?" She grabbed my hand and pulled me into the living room.

Low and behold there it was. Taking up space on one of my end tables sat a tank with a single fish in it.

"Her name is Rosie" Lilly pokes at the tank with her chubby finger.

"That's a good name."

"Me and daddy came up with it. I wanted to wait for you but you were taking too long" she pouted crossing her arms in front of her body. She knew what she does to me when she pouts.

Being a working mom sucked. It really freaking sucked.

"I am sorry but I was working honey." I ran my hand through her hair.

"Daddy said you were fixing someone. Did you fix them?" She asked uncrossing her arms and looking at the fish.

"I tried but it didn't work." I looked at her and smiled.

My job was hard and long and it took time away from this precious gem who walked into my life.

She gave me hope when I didn't think there was any left. She made doing my job a hell of a lot easier.

"I'm sorry mommy" she hugged my legs tight. My hands went to her hair, I tangled my fingers through her tight curls.

"What are we sorry about?" Fitz asked walking back into the room.

"I lost my patient." I said flatly before I turned my attention back to Lilly.

Knowing I don't want to talk about it in front of Lilly he changed the topic.

"Dinner is ready." That got Lilly's attention.

"I got the plates!" She yelled and ran into the kitchen.

"Come on" I grabbed his outstretched hand and let him pull me into the kitchen. Lilly was trying to reach the plates on top of the counter.

"Hang on, it will burn you." Fitz grabbed the plates and handed them to her one by one. I watched her turn around and place the plates in there designated spots.

I poured us drinks. Lilly apple juice, Fitz water and I opens a bottle of wine for myself. Once everything was set we sat down and grabbed each others hands.

"Can I do it mommy?"

"Of course you can baby."

"Dear God, thank you so so so so so so so so much for my fishie. And thank you for giving me my daddy and mommy and thank you for giving me grandma. Amen."

She let go of our hands and started to eat.

"Your mom bought her a fish." I stared trying to mask my annoyance.

"I tried to call-"

"And they told you I was in surgery." I finished his statement, grabbing my glass of wine I took a gulp and sat it back down.

"Are you okay?" he asked looking at me with his concerned eyes.

I hate that I could do that to him. Make him worry so much. I wish there was something I could do or say to make him feel better. Honestly I didn't know what to say, or how to fix what it was that was happening.

"Yeah I am fine." I squeezed his hand and went back to eating.

We didn't talk to one another for the rest of dinner, we mostly entertained Lilly. She told me all about her day. She filled me in on what was happening in the news and everything she did at her grandmothers. Before any of us realized it, it was time for bed.

"Lilly you go brush your teeth for me and I will come up and tuck you in." Fitz stood and grabbed her plate.

"Can mommy tuck me in tonight pleaseeee?" She was standing at the door way waving her arms to get our attention.

Fitz looked at me with a smile before turning his attention back to her. "Yes bug."

"yay okay I will hurry." Just like that she was gone, running up the stairs to get ready for bed.

I watched him from my chair. It was the simplest things that he did that I can never get over.

"I love you." I said smiling at him.

He turned to look at me, "Why?" he said with a laugh.

"What I can't just love you?" I got out of my chair and wrapped my arms around his tight body.

"You can, I am not complaining" he went back to washing the dishes.

I held him tight taking I his scent and warmth. He was literally freaking perfect.

"I love you too ya know?" he had finished the last plate and was drying his hands on a dish rag.

"Why?" I asked returning his earlier question.

He turned in my hold and wrapped his damp hands around my torso, His hands instantly drifted to my ass.

"You are by far my favorite wife, you are like the best in the whole entire world." He gave me his signature lopsided grin. I felt like a school girl swooning over a boy.

"I almost feel bad for the other wives."

He laughed, I could feel the vibrations of his body hitting mine. Gosh I was in love with this man.

"I really love you Fitzgerald Thomas Grant." I rested my hand on the back of his neck, My finger carefully touched his hair.

"I really really love you too Olivia Carolynn Grant." He lowered his lips onto mine.

It was like fireworks went off. I would never ever get over how he makes me feel. His tongue traced the outline of my lips, begging for entrance. I teased him for a minute before giving in and opening his mouth. His tongue explored my mouth, I am sure he knew what every crevice felt like, but that didn't stop him. I got lost in the kiss and the feeling, I didn't hear Lilly come back down stairs.

"EWWWW" she screamed covering her eyes and laughing. Fitz pulled back only an inch we were still close enough to feel each others breathe.

"Duty calls" he smiled at me and gave me a quick peck before he let me go.

"Okay missy lets go." she put her hands up, wanting to be held. She did that more often than not. I grabbed her and placed her on my hip.

"Give daddy kisses," I said walking her over to Fitz who was wiping the counter down. He put the rag down and grabbed her from my arms.

"I love you big time Daddy." she hugged his neck tight and he hugged her right back. He began to rock her back and forth on instinct. "I love you big time" he responded back kissing her on the cheeks. "Goodnight princess" he passed her back to me and gave her one final kiss on the head before I headed upstairs.

"Okay pumpkin what pj's are you wearing tonight?" I asked looking through her dresser.

"My little pony please?" she asked, this seemed to be her new obsession she had worn them everyday for the past week.

"Those are dirty, how about we wear the princess ones and I will wash the pony one tomorrow?" she nodded her head in agreement.

A few minutes late she was tucked in her bed and ready to go to sleep.

"alright pumpkin, I love you.' I leaned down and kissed her forehead.

"I love you to mama" she whispered back to me. I watched her for minute, she didn't fight sleep. a couple minutes later she was dead to the world. I flipped her lamp off and left her room.

It suddenly hit me that I was exhausted. I had ben standing on my feet for the past thirteen hours, I was ready for a warm relaxing shower and my bed.

I stripped my clothes off the second I was in my room. I searched through my drawer looking for pjs to wear. I decided just to steal a pair of Fitz's boxers and wear a sports bra. I took it all into the bathroom and started the shower. I waited until the water was hot before I got in. I let the boiling hot water burn away all the stress.

* * *

Fitz's Pov

I finished up cleaning the kitchen. I waited for Olivia to come back downstairs, I waited for a while before it came apparent she wasn't coming back down. I set the alarm and turned all the lights off before I headed upstairs. I checked Lilly's room, she was fast asleep clutching her dolphin stuffed animal. I cracked her door and went to my room. I heard the water running, I assumed she was in the shower. I opened the door and was attacked by clouds of steam. She was stressed, she only turned the water up to boiling when she was stressed.

I decided to fix that, I stripped my clothes off and opened the glass shower door. She was in the middle of washing her hair. Her arms were up rubbing the conditioner into her scalp. I watched her boobs glisten under the water. With every slight movement they bounced, her nipples were the perfect mocha color. It took everything in me to not reach out and grab them. Still unaware of my presence she stepped under the spray of water and washed the conditioner out. When she was done her eyes fluttered open and was met with my lust filled gaze.

"Hi" she whispered stepping out of the water.

"Hi" I grabbed her waist and pulled her into my body, I got hard almost instantly at the feeling of her being so close.

I brought my lips to hers and began kissing her. she responded quickly as her mouth opened and her hands went to my hair.

I let my hands travel down her wet body. I left one hand groping her ass and let the other move in between her legs. She moaned into my mouth but was silenced by the kiss.

I removed both hands from her body and pulled back from the kiss, much to her dismay. I grabbed her loofah and squirted some of her vanilla body wash onto it. I rubbed my hand over it so it would produce suds. her eyes followed my every movement.

I guided the loofah over her right shoulder and over her collarbone. Her eyes slipped closed at the sensations it was giving her. If relax was what she wanted then that's what I was going to give her. She leaned back against the wall as I ran the loofah over her breast, coming from the right side and going in circular motions. I ran my finger over her nipple pulling at it just a little and twisting it with my forefinger and thumb. She sucked her bottom lip into her mouth and began to bite on it.

I ran the loofah over her both her breasts now making sure to show the same attention to both of them, I lowered the loofah down her stomach until I was right above her pussy.

I ran the loofah in small circles over the top of it, sliding it slowly over her making sure she was clean. I knelt down and ran my hands over her thighs and down around her calves. I lifted each foot carefully, she placed her hands on my shoulders to keep her balance. I stood up slowly and removed the shower handle, I let the water cascade over her perfect body. she rested her head against my chest as I made sure all the soap was gone from her body.

I placed my hand under her chin and lifted her head carefully. I pressed my lips against hers, my tongue parting her lips and running effortlessly in her mouth. her hands trailed down my chest, her nails softly scrapping my nipple. I let out a sigh of enjoyment. She lets her legs fall out from around me and she lowered her body. before I know it she is kneeling in front of me fisting my cock. I threw my head back and enjoyed the feeling for only a moment. I pulled her to her feet, kissing hard. "This is about you not me." My voice was strange even to me.

She crinkled her eyebrows at me "I want to" she went to kneel again and I caught her wrists. "I don't want you too." That was a lie and she new it, but this was about her. she needed her release more than I did.

Before she could protest I backed her into the wall, this time with a little more force. I avoided her mouth and went straight to her neck, I pulled the soft spot on her neck into my mouth. I bit lightly before kissing it again.

"Oh" she began to bite her lip again, she knew what that did to me. I was painfully hard at this point but I pushed that to the back of my head.

I went to her right breast and sucked her nipple into my mouth. She inhaled sharply and arched her back. I rolled my tongue around her nipple before pulling it in between my teeth.

She let out a moan of encouragement as I let go and went to her other breast, showing it just as much attention.

I released her nipple with a pop and let my hand travel down her thigh. this time I reached my destination, I parted her pussy lips with my fingers.

my first instinct was to touch her clit but I strayed away from it for now. I could smell her arousal and it was intoxicating. I started at the top of her lips and traced her pussy until I found her entrance. She was dripping wet at this point, I smeared her juices around her hole before I dipped my finger inside of her.

"Oh Fitz" her hips jerked toward my hand. Her mouth was open as I slowly slid my finger in and out of her, moments later I added another finger. I kissed her again as my fingers found a nice rhythm.

I released her mouth and lowered my body to her waist.

"Open your legs." I demanded, without a moment of hesitation her legs were open and fi could finally see all of her. I lifted one of her legs up and placed it over my shoulder.

I kissed her inner thigh slowly I made my way to her center. I wasted no time, I sucked her clit nto my mouth and swivled my tongue around it.

"OH GOD" she said a little to loud. I removed my mouth and loked at her.

"Baby you have to be quiet" I reminded her, her eyes snapped open at me "Right, sorry" she whispered. I returned to my earlier position.

I added my fingers inside of her as I slowly licked her clit. I didn't apply enough pressure to make her cum and I could tell it was driving her crazy.

"Fitz... Please" she begged.

"Tell me what you want baby?" I said coyly

I moved my fingers inside of her faster.

"mmm... Fitz I wanna cum." she finally got out.

I placed my free hand over her stomach to hold her in place.

I removed my fingers from her pussy and lowered her leg. I stood up and positioned my hard cock at her entrance. I carefully guided myself inside of her. She gripped my shoulders hard with one hand and the other found the back of my head. I moved in and out of her at a slow pace.

"Harder Fitz" she whispered, she didn't have to ask twice I began to pound into her harder. The only thing that could be heard was the sounds of our bodies connecting and Olivia's moans.

"I'm close" she moaned out, my fingers found her clit and I rubbed it faster and faster.

That was her undoing.

"Fitz" she moaned slightly above a whisper.

Her pussy started to tremble around me, she began to stroke my cock. Before I knew it I was releasing myself deep inside of her.

She continued to convulse around my cock. I didn't move I just reveled in the feeling. She laid her head on my chest clearly spent. I waited until her breathing returned to normal to pull out of her. She whimpered at the loss of contact. The water had ran cold several minutes before but it was the only option to getting clean.

"This is gonna be cold" I whispered into her hair she nodded as I grabbed the loofah. I carefully cleaned her thighs avoiding her oversensitive clit.

She didn't move or say anything she just held onto my neck and I carried her out of the shower.

I sat her on the counter and dried her off. Before picking her back up and carrying her to our bed. I pulled the blankets down on her side of the bed and placed her down. I grabbed the sports bra she had picked out and brought It to her.

"Will you please put it on?" she asked in a breathy tone. She needed sleep, she looked like she had been through hell.

I took it out of her hands one by one I placed her arms through it and slipped it over her head. she put her arms down and I struggled getting it over her boobs.

"This damn thing doesn't even fit." I said still struggling to pull it down without hurting her.

She hooked her finger under her arm and hooked it in the bra unraveling it.

"There" she gave me an exhausted smile.

"Where are your shorts?" I asked looking around.

"I have to do laundry." her eyes were slipping closed and I knew she was falling asleep. I grabbed a pair of her panites from her drawer and slipped them up her perfect legs. she picked her ass up in an attempt to help. once she was semi dressed I threw on some boxers and a t shirt before I went through my nightly routine.

Chech the closet door, turn the fan on, make sure her slippers were placed at the perfect spot and lastly set out water for her. Once I was done I pulled her into my arms and switched the lamp off. she rolled in my arms and snuggled her face into my chest.

"Thank you, I really needed that" she whispered into my chest.

"Your welcome baby" I rubbed her arm up and down a few times.

"I love you" she kissed my jaw bone.

"I love you too." I gave her head a kiss and we both fell asleep completely spent and high on our love.


	7. Chapter 7

"We have to get those papers signed before you leave."

We were rushing to get everything prepared for the day.

Mondays were the worst.

"I know, Bring them buy the hospital today and we can have lunch and I will sign them." Liv gave me a quick kiss before she turned to leave out the door.

"Wait!" Lilly exclaimed

Olivia turned on her heels quickly turning to look at Lilly.

"Pumpkin, I gotta go." she pleaded with our daughter.

"Kisses bye bye." Lilly patted her lips for dramatic effect.

She really was a diva.

"Right sorry" she picked lilly up in her arms.

I smiled as Liv gave her kisses all over. I watched Lilly try to squirm out of her hands. Liv looked happy, even though the extra hours are killing her and she is physically exhausted, she still looked happy.

Lilly was the best thing that could have happened to us. Granted, children with Liv is the dream. A product of the love between us had always been the dream. Even though Lilly isn't a physical part of Liv she still was ours.

Seeing Liv so carefree and loving towards lily made my heart swell.

I was so in love with her.

"Daddy is staring." Lilly whispered loud enough for me to here.

"He is a weirdo huh?" Liv snuggled her face into Lilly's neck and hugged her tightly.

"Yeah Daddy's a wier-"

"You two talkin about me?" I asked throwing my hand over my chest acting offend.

"No daddy we would never" They shared a knowing smile.

"Good because I would have to cry." I smiled at liv and grabbed Lilly from her arms.

"Mommy has to go now, but we will see her at lunch" Lilly nodded her head in approval and kicked her feet signaling that she wanted to be put down.

I put her feet on the ground and she was off. Most likely into the living room to watch the news.

I took this as an opputunity to get closer to Olivia. I wrapped my hands around her lower body and pulled her into me.

"Hi" I whispered when she was close enough to me.

"Hi" she smiled warmly at me and I really truly believed God had made her for me.

"I think I'm going to take her to the park today. Then I will swing by the hospital." I mumbled into her hair.

"Sounds perfect make sure you put sunscreen on her." She hugged me a little tighter.

"I have to really go" she pressed her lips softly agianst mine.

"I love you." she whispered against my lips.

Still in my embrace I held her tighter her and gave her another kiss.

"I love you big time." I let go of her and watched her leave.

It was like I was back in high school. I missed her, I knew we would be together again in a couple of hours but I really missed her.

* * *

"Daddy!"

We were on our way to the store and Lilly hadn't stop talking since we left. That means for the past ten minutes she has been talking about everything yet nothing. This is the 100th time she ha said Daddy.

"Yes baby?" I asked turning the music down that she insisted on playing.

"Have you found my real mom?"

Her question caught me off guard in the past month she hasn't spoke about Mellie. Olivia and I haven't brought it up hoping that she would when the time was right. I guess Lilly thought now was the time.

I glanced through the mirror at her. She was in her car seat kicking her feet looking out the window. Not a care in the world.

"Why do you ask bug?" My eyes went back to the road as I weaved through traffic.

"I know she went to heaven but Mia from school said when her uncle died they had a frnneral, but we didn't have one for her, right?"

We stopped at a stop light and I looked back at her again. Her attention was on me and her legs had stopped swinging.

"Funeral" I corrected her "It's called a funeral."

"Oh sorry Fu-Ner-Al. Did we have one?" she asked again.

"No bug we haven't. do you want to have one?" We really hadn't spoke about this I didn't even know it was weighing on her. Truthfully, I assumed she went through with her plan and I hadn't look further into it. I should have, I silent chastised myself.

"No, I just wanted to know." I pulled into the store parking lot and parked the car. I opened my door, got out and removed her from her seat. I kept her in my arms and hugged her tightly.

"If you ever have any questions you can ask me Okay? If you wanna talk about your mom we can."

"You want be mad." she pulled back and looked me in the eye.

"No honey I wont be." Being a dad has taught me that I didn't know what pain was until I saw my child's heart breaking.

"It hurts my heart when I think bout her. I miss her a lot." tears were falling from her piercing blue eyes.

I have been a dad for less then forty days, I was way out of my element. Olivia usually dealt with the crying, a part of me wanted to call Olivia and ask for help.

I can do this.

"I know it hurts bug, and I know your are sad. Your mom would be so proud of you."

"Really?" she wiped the tears away from her eyes and gave me a lopsided smile. She was getting

"Yes really!" I exclaimed kissing her nose, making her laugh.

"Just like mommy and me are proud of you. Your are such a smart girl and we are blessed to have you in our lives." I tried to be serious and genuine, yet caring.

Dad material hopefully?

"I like being your daughter." she stated matter of factly all evidence of tears were erased besides her red eyes.

"I love that you are my daughter. I love you so much and I hate to see you hurt bug." she wrapped her arms around my neck and squeezed it tight.

"I love you Daddy big time." I gave her kisses on her cheek ad deposited her on the ground.

She interlocked her tiny hand into mine and we went into the store.

We grabbed a few things that we needed and went to the check out.

"Hi, how are you" the clerk asked as she rung our things up.

"We are good" Lilly replied with a smile.

"We are buying snacks for my mommy to surprise her at work!" She really had no problem talking to strangers. We would have to work on that.

"Wow that is really sweet." The clerk smiled at me and then Lilly.

"How old is she?" she asked steering the direction towards me.

"She is four about to be five." I let out a laugh as she danced around me.

"She is precious"

"Thanks"

"Daddy mommy needs chocolate." Lilly grabbed a snickers bar.

Olivia hates snickers a fact that Lilly is well aware of.

"Mommy doesn't like that" I reminded her.

She gave me a knowing smile.

"No daddy she loooovesss it." she flashed her puppy dog eyes at me.

"Okay, but grab a milky way too." she put them both on the counter and I swiped my card.

"Have a nice day" the clear called out to us before we left.

"Thanks, you too"

* * *

**Olivia Pov **

My phone rang

I rolled my eyes looking at the picture of my mother dancing across the screen.

I don't have to answer, I could blame it on work.

I watched the her picture slowly fade and I went back to my paperwork.

Seconds later I heard a ding subtitling I had received a text.

**I know you aren't busy answer the phone! **

I rolled my eyes as my phone started to ring again.

I answered it an. Pressed the phone agianst my ear.

"Hello Mom, sorry I was with a patient what's up?" The lie rolled easily off my tongue as I masked the annoyance in my voice.

"You never were good at lying." She said flatly.

Here we go, I thought to myself

"I ran into Fitzgerald's mother at the store a couple of days ago."

My heart stopped an I knew what was coming next.

"She was excited to tell me about her granddaughter. Lilly I believe the name was. I was confused, Fitzgerald is an only child? So that would mean his wife, my daughter had a baby and didn't even bother to call her own mother? But that wouldn't be right, my daughter would have told me right?"

I didn't answer not at first.

"Olivia Carolyn Pope, I asked you a question."

It was like I was five years old aging and she caught me eating out of the cookie jar.

I didn't know what to say then and I don't know what to say now.

"I did not have a baby mom." Not a lie, yet not the truth.

"Then what was that old hag talking about?" She had no filter.

"Mom I am going to hang up if you keep acting this way." I glanced at the clock hoping Fitz would save me from this.

"Fine, who is Lilly?" A simple yet so complicated question.

"I didn't have a baby, Fitz has a daughter. Well I didn't have a baby but I have one now." I knew I was making no sense but I would say anything to postpone this conversation until Fitz showed up.

"What the hell are you saying. Do you or do you not have a daughter?" She was telling now.

"Yes" I whispered, I wasn't ashamed of Lily whatsoever. I loved her and never think of her as something other than my daughter.

"I want you here for dinner at eight. You have a lot of explains to do."

"Mom we can't-" I started but quickly was silenced.

"Don't give me an excuse I want your ass here tonight bring Fitz and the child."

I couldn't argue with her and she knew it.

"Yes ma'am."

* * *

"Hey Fitz, HI LILLY!" Baby ran to Lilly and enveloped her in a hug.

"Auntie Abby! I missed you." I watched as the two have each other kisses and big hugs. Lilly filled her in on the fish and of course the news.

Mellie was right she loved the news.

"We are here to se mommy!" Lilly was still screaming.

"Really!"

Correction they were both screaming.

"We brought her lunch and flowers and chocolate. Do you think she will like it?"

I watched the two talk.

Abby assured her Liv would love the presents.

It was a wonder how Abby didn't have kids yet. She always had that instinct and I know she has always wanted them. She is great with Lilly. They really love each other and they instantly kicked it off.

"We better take you to your mom before the food gets cold." Abby placed her on the ground and grabbed her hand.

Before long we were standing outside of Liv's office door.

I could hear her sobs behind the closed door, apparently so could Abby because she suggested that Lilly and her go and see Stephan.

"Will you wait to give mommy her presents?" Lilly asked oblivious to what was happening.

"Of course bug." I gave her a quick kiss on the forehead and waited until she was down the hall before opening the door.

* * *

I want t aware of his presence until I felt his arms wrap around my body.

"What's wrong baby?" He asked, concern etched i to his voice I didn't need to look at his face to know that concern was evident ther as well.

"My mom knows." I didn't have to say anything else he understood. His grin got tighter around me and he just held me as I cried.

After a few minutes he softly demanded "look at me"

We wouldn't be Olivia and Fitz if I listened to him.

He repeated himself but still I didn't move.

I felt the familiar feeling of his finger softly lifting my chin up.

I met his eyes, his eyes spoke more than his mouth did. I hated what I saw in them. Regret, Remorse and empathy.

"Don't do that." I pulled myself out of his hold.

"Don't do what?" His eyebrows crinkled in confusion.

I need space between us, without words I walked over to the window. Once I felt the cool glass on my back I spoke.

"Don't start to feel bad for me. This isn't your fault, you couldn't have known. I love her Fitz, She is my daughter. I knew what I was getting into. I am so tired of having to explain this to everyone. You don't get to regret sharing her with me. I can't handle explaining all of this to you too. I shouldn't have to. I married you and all your baggage, just like you did with me. It's my job to take this too. I am handling it. So please just stop felling sorry for me." I wasn't aware of the tears that were flowing freely down my face. I knew my words were hurting him I could tell by the expression on his face.

He didn't speak, he didn't move, he hardly even blinked.

I put my head in my hands and cried, normally I wouldn't be this upset. We didn't tell my mom about Lilly because she is well her. We aren't close, we have never been close. When I got pregnant it was like something finally clicked. Then I lost the baby and we became strangers again. I decided then that I didn't need a mom or any part of that family.

I had a family and his name was Fitzgerald.

"You shouldn't have too" he mumbled.

I looked up to him as he approached my corner, my hands went up in defense but that didn't stop him from invading my personal space.

He wasn't touching me but he was close enough that I could feel his breath on me.

"I don't want her to be baggage. I am so in love with you Olivia that it hurts. I feel like I don't know who I am without you. You are a piece of me. When you re gone I feel empty. I don't know how to do life without you and I wouldn't want too, but Liv I can't do this. Lilly loves you so much and she needs both of us. Not for one second do I regret her coming into our lives. I regret you not being ready. This happened so fast and you needed time to adjust, after everything that happened." He stopped for a moment, the memories carried to much pain.

"I can't see you like that again, it almost broke me."

He let a couple tears fall from his eyes before he took a deep breathe and stepped back.

"So I am giving you a serious out. I lived without you once, I wouldn't want to do it again but if that's what you want then its yours. I just want you to be happy. I want you to be the carefree girl who blares music in the car and hangs her feet out the window. I want my old Livvie back. Your happiness is the only thing I have very cared about. I don't regret Lilly knowing you, I regret me not being enough for you, when you so desperately needed me to be."

He wiped his eyes with the back of his hands. and he just looked t me.

"Fitz I can't be that girl."

"Okay." he was hurt beyond words. He turned to go to the door.

"I want this." he stopped in his tracks and turned to look at me. A glint of hope in his eyes.

"I want you. I love you and I love Lilly. You guys ae my family. I need you and you have always been enough. Always. I fell down on the job and I let you down." he went to speak but I cut him off.

I smiled at him "You are the world greatest husband. I don't know how you do all of this. I am falling apart and you are perfect as ever." I approached him this time.

"I don't have it together. I am a fucking mess. Lilly asked me about Mellie today and my first instinct was to call you. I don't know what the hell I am doing, you making everything easier. We are the perfect team. I am so glad you didn't take the out because if you did I would have been a fucking mess. More than I already am."

My hands found his.

"When my mother called I prayed that you would come in and tell me what to say. You always know how to handle her. We have to go to dinner with her tonight so you have to be the mediator"

His face was tearstained, his normal piercing blue eyes were bloodshot and his lips looked hella kissable.

He was talking but I was no longer paying attention. I just wanted to be closer to him.

My lips touched his, softly at first but then it was like a fire was lit inside of me. I kissed him harder and more desperate. I needed him to know that leaving was never and will never be an option for me. I poured all the feelings that I kept inside into the kiss.

When air became necessary he was the first to pull back. our foreheads stayed connected and our eyes closed.

"Lilly isn't baggage." I whispered

I felt him smile and I opened my eyes to confirm my suspicion.

"You weren't thinking about our daughter while you were kissing me right?" His smile was contagious and before I new it I was joining in on his banter.

I playfully hit his shoulder. "No, Fitz I wasn't."

I walked to the door and outstretched my hand he gladly accepted. "Can we go and get my pumpkin now, I miss her."

"Yes ma'am"

We had our lunch later then intended and that was okay. Lilly offered me a snicker which I hate so I gave it to her and she had a sinister smile on her face. Fitz showed me more attention and love then I felt like I deserved after the stunt I pulled with him. Which I regretted. I enjoyed this time with my little family because only god knows how tonight will go. This was me happy, this was my dream. I needed to remind myself of that more often. This is home.


	8. Chapter 8

I don't know the reason Liv and her mother have such an estranged relationship. Maybe it was because they were both so much a like. The same nit picking and attitude. Liv absolutely hates hanging out with her mother and if she could she would have no probem getting out of this dinner. That's why we were arguing.

"Just call her and tell her Lilly is sick" she exclaimed for the hundredth time.

"I'm not sick mommy" lilly came running into the room wearing a yellow sundress that matched the one Liv had yet to put on. She had her hair pulled into two dirty blonde pigtails with butterfly clips in them. She was the cutest thing I have ever seen.

"Exactly, see Liv she isn't sick and I am not calling your mother." I was fully dressed. I had on a button down yellow dress shirt that matched the girls' dresses and a pair of black khaki pants. We were waiting on Olivia. She had come up with everything in the book to try and get out of this dinner. The only thing left was to fake some illness but i'm sure she would pull that one out of the hat later.

She was currently standing in a pair of skimpy shorts and a sports bra with a full face of makeup throwing a temper tantrum.

"Mommy are you gonna get dressed or go like that?" Lilly asked with a skeptical look on her face. I smiled down at her and lifted her into my arms.

Liv looked at the two of us before throwing her hands up in defeat.

"Fine, whatever I'll go but the second I hear a B-I-T-C-H-Y comment come out of her mouth I am leaving." she spelt out the words so that our darling daughter wouldn't repeat them.

"Great I will go start the car. I want you down there in five minutes." I demanded knowing that if I didn't give her a time she would be up here all night just so we could purposely miss the dinner.

"F-U-C-K you fitz" she mumbled under her breathe.

"What does that mean?" Lilly asked as I turned to leave.

"Nothing bug." she rolled her eyes as I let out a chuckle.

Tonight was going to be GREAT.

I got Lilly hooked into her car seat and got into the car, awaiting Liv's arrival.

"Listen sweetie, I need you to be extra nice to mommy tonight. I know I am your favorite but tonight it has to be mommy." I added the last part just for kicks.

"That will be easy" she said.

"Go-"

"Mommy is my favorite, not you silly." She let out a little laugh.

I would have been hurt by her words if she wasn't so damn cute.

Liv yanked open the door and huffed her way into the car.

"Lets get this over with." she plugged her seatbelt in and we were off.

It was about a good thirty minutes until we arrived at the gate leading to her parents house.

I turned the Disney music down and rolled my window down.

"What's the code again?"

I looked at her and noticed the funny color she was.

"I don't feel to good. Can we go home?"

I gave myself a mental high five.

"No, we cant go home. We are going to do this and we are going to do it together. I grabbed her hand and gave it a small squeeze before I turned my attention back to the code.

"Now whats the code?"

"I don't remember?" she said with a sigh.

"I guess we have to go home then". I rolled my window up and pretended to turn around.

"Really?!" she clapped her hands together.

I hit the brakes and rolled my window back down.

"No of course not, call and ask for the code." she rolled her eyes and sucked her teeth at me.

"I hate you, you know that?"

"I love you too." I smiled at her.

She dug in her purse before she came up with a small receipt paper.

"9055" I typed in the code and the gates opened revealing her parents home. Or should I say mansion.

I glanced back at Lilly who was sleeping. She had missed her nap today and I did feel bad that she couldn't be in bed right now. We had been on a schedule, a schedule that was now messed up completely. Her seven o'clock bed time would have to be stretched tonight.

it was like Liv could read my mind.

"Babe she is asleep. We need to get this done as fast as possible" She was freaking out and in return it was stressing me out. I put the car in park and looked at her.

"Why didn't we just tell her?" I asked

"We had crazy schedules telling people wasn't really important. The only reason your mother knows was because we needed someone to watch her while we were both at work and she was the closest." She recited the lie we had came up with together perfectly.

"No the real reason, why didn't we just call her and tell her like I did my mother?"

She looked at me like I had told her world war three was happening.

"Because Fitzgerald She would have made something off it. Just like she is going to now." She rolled her eyes and put her head in her hands.

A glint of light flashed grabbing my attention. Her parents had the door opened and could be seen standing there. I let out a breathe, so it begans.

"Don't look now but we have an audience." I said plastering a fake smile on my face.

"Are you fucking kidding me" she mumbled into her hands.

"Hey watch your mouth" I scolded her with a smile on my face.

She pulled her head up slowly. the fake smile plastered on her face perfectly.

"She is asleep Fitz" she rolled her eyes but kept the smile.

I leaned towars her and kissed her temple.

"We have got this baby, stop stressing"

She smiled at me, a real genuine Olivia Grant smile.

"I love you. No matter what happens in there remember that, okay?"

"You're being dramatic. But I love you too." I gave her one more kiss before I opened my car door.

"I will get our bundle of joy. You grab the diaper bag."

Thankfully, Lilly used the bathroom when she needed to but sometimes in extreme circumstances she would wet herself. So we keep her in diapers for the most part.

"Yes sir" she mumbled under her breathe as she got out of the car.

What the hell is her problem today?

I unbuckled Lilly from her car seat and she started to stir.

Her blue eyes slowly started to show past her eye lids. she looked around with a confused look on her face.

"Hey baby we are here." she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and blinked a few time before she finally comprehended what we were saying.

Once she did her eyes opend wider and she started to smie.

"Really!" she smiled bright at me as she got out of her seat and pulled her dress hands went to her hair, smoothing out the bumps that didn't even exist.

"How do I look daddy?"

Why was everyone so nervous? Had they both lost their minds today?

"You look very cute sweetheart." I said confidently, apparently it wasn't the right thing to say.

her nose crinkled in disgust "Cute? that's all?"

Olivia came up behind me holding the diaper bag. "What's wrong?".

I turned to look at her, this was her fault she was putting her stress onto Lilly.

"Your daughter isn't okay with lookng cute." I said barley keeping my laughter at a minnum.

"Daddy it isn't funny!" lilly protested.

Liv gave me the go to hell look so I stopped immediately.

Olivia pushed me out of the way and stood infront of lilly who was still in the car.

"Pumkin you look perfect. Just like Mommy."

Lilly still looked upset.

"Daddy do you think I look perfect?" two sets of eyes were trained on me.

"Yes, of course without a doubt." that seemed to have done it because she jumped out of the car and stretched her hands up for me to carry her. I happily obliged.

I settled her on my right hip and grabbed Olivia's hand with my free one.

We started the short walk to her parents door.

Olivia didn't speak and neither did Lilly.

The two chatty kathys were silent that's how you knew this was serious.

When we were still out of earshot I whispered to them.

"Will you two lighten up? it's just dinner."Lilly spoke first "I don't want them to hate me daddy"

That broke my heart.

"Bug no One is going to the you, I promise and if you don't like it then we can go home." Olivia smiled brightly at our daughter.

"Okay, I love you Mommy."

"I love you baby"

They had no problem talking to one another.

"I really feel the love guys" I said with a smile.

"We love you too baby" liv reassured me.

"Yeah BIGGG time." Lilly gave my cheek a kiss.

"I love you guys too" I squeezed Liv's hand.

I gave her one last glance before we were close enough to the door to make conversation.

"Well look who showed up." Maya checked her watch. "Thirty minutes late. I guess better late than never." That was her first dig. Olivia coiled up and looked like she was ready to run back to the car and lock herself in there.

"That would be my fault I had a work call, sorry" I smiled brightly at her mother.

"Hello Fitzgerald" Eli stretched his hand out to mine and I briefly disconnected my hand from Olivia's to shake it firmly before going back to my earlier position.

"Hey Eli, its good to see you again."

Lilly had yet to turn and look at them, she had her head buried into my neck and her eyes closed. To anyone that didn't know her it would appear as if she was sleeping.

"Hi Mom and Dad" liv finally spoke up.

"Hey sweetie" Eli said before hugging her. Once again our hands were disconnected But only for a second.

"Why don't you come in?" Maya stepped aside and we entered the foyer.

We stood the awkwardly for a minute, no one speaking just all staring at the baby pretending to sleep in my arms.

"Mom, Dad this is Lilly our daughter." Liv said breaking the silence.

The gasp that came from Maya's mouth was noted.

Lilly perked up at the sound of her name. She turned and smiled brightly at them.

"Hi!" she waved at them before settling her head on my shoulder. She still had a clear view of her grandparents from her current position.

"It is so nice to meet you" Maya smiled back at her before cutting her eyes at Liv "Finally".

"Also my fault. I have been so busy with work and My mom was just clos-"

"You don't have to take the blame I'm sure my daughter had the most to do with that decision." She cut me off.

As If on cue Lilly's stomach growled "Mommy, I'm hungry".

Eli smiled "Great then lets eat."

* * *

Dinner was going smoothly.

Lilly kept the conversation most of the time, which none of the adults minded.

Liv ate her food quietly unless Lilly directed a question at her.

Once we were all finished we moved onto dessert.

"Olivia could you help with the cake?" Maya asked.

"Sure" Olivia got up and followed her into the kitchen.

I glanced at the door. I knew there was more to that then just getting the ake.

"She will be fine" Eli spoke up.

I looked back at him and smiled shyly.

"I just worry about her." I pushed the food around on the plate infront of me.

"Is something wrong with mommy?" Lilly asked glancing back and forth between Eli and me.

"No bug she is fine." she looked at Eli for an answer.

"He is right, she will be back soon." He let out a laugh and I felt the weight on my shoulders slowly being lifted off.

"So you're my mommys Daddy?" Lilly asked as she took a sip of the apple juice infront of her.

"Yes, I am"

She turned her head to the side and peered at him.

"You don't look like my mommy" she said after moments of silence.

We both laughed at the blue eyed blonde hair girl sitting across from us.

"I'm afraid she got her mama looks." Lilly continued to stare at him.

"Lily it's rude to stare." I reprimanded her softly.

"Sorry Daddy." She went back to her juice.

"So who is the mom?" I had waited for this question all evening.

"Her name was Mellie" I was quick to respond.

"Was?" he questioned.

"My mom died" Lilly spoke up unphased by the words and there impact on other people.

Eli gave her a sad smile and turned back to me.

"I'm sorry to here that. how did she pass away?"

I prayed Olivia's conversation was going better than mine.

* * *

"Olivia that girl is not your child."

I heard her the first hundred times she had said it.

"Mom she is and if you continue to say other wise we are leaving." I stood from the bar stool and made my way to the door.

"Olivia sit your ass back down and do not raise your voice at me." I felt like I was six again. I made my way back to the stool and sat down.

"She isn't your daughter. You cant loose one and substitute it for another."

Her words hit me like a ton of bricks. I could feel the tears prickling my eyes.

"When are you going to have a baby for yourself?" I could feel her looking at me but I couldn't bring my self to meet her gaze.

This is why I hated coming home. This is why I hated my mother.

"This is why I didn't tell you." I murmured.

"Speak up Olivia." she demanded the tone in her voice made me jump.

"This is why I didn't tell you." I said louder.

"I knew you would ruin this. Mom I am happy. I love Lilly and she is just as much my daughter as she is Fitz's. You don't get to tell me how to live my life. I am not a kid anymore. This is my life. this is my family and you know what you are no longer apart of that. Lilly is better off without you." I stood from the stool for the second time that night and went to the door. I could feel the hot tears pouring down my face.

"I am better off without you." I gave her one last glance before I stormed out of the door.

When I walked into the dining room and all eyes were on me.

I met fitz's gaze.

"Liv?" he shot up from his seat.

and seconds later he was by my side.

"We are leaving." I picked lilly up and put her on my hip.

"Mommy whats wrong?"

"Olivia?"

"Livvie whats happening?" Everyone was asking me questions but all I wanted to do was leave.

I grabbed the diaper bag and threw it over my shoulder.

"Olivia Pope you are not leaving." My mothers voice could be heard above all the others.

Lilly jumped in my arms and started to cry.

"Grant, Mother my name has been Grant for the past year." I went to the door grabbing my purse and throwing it over the same shoulder.

Everything was in the way. I had the diaper bag spilling out and my purse being pulled by Lillys leg, who was screaming and crying in my ear.

That's when I felt his hand on my lower back. The world stopped. The yelling from my mother, the pleading from my father and the sobs form my daughter all faded into the back ground.

I felt his breath next to my ear.

"We can leave but I need you to calm down, you are scaring Lilly."

"Sorry" I took a deep breathe.

"Don't apologize, just hand me the bags and we can go."

I took the bags off my shoulder and handed them to him.

He never removed the hand from my back. He directed me to the car and put the bags in first. Before he took the sobbing Lilly from my hands and put her in the car.

My mother was still yelling from the door but I paid no attention to that. I didn't pay attention to anything except Fitzgerald's hans in mine.

I waited until we were out of the gates to apologize.

"Fitz i'm so sor-"

"Don't" his voice was firm.

Lilly was still crying but the ear splitting screams were replaced with silent sobs.

"Lily. baby it's okay." I tried to calm her down but it wasn't working.

"Fitz, she is scaring me." Lilly was beganing to hypervenalte.

He glanced back at her before returning his gaze to the road.

"Lilly, are you okay?" He asked but she made no effort to respond.

This was my fault.

"Pull over." I unhooked my seat bet.

"Olivia what are you doing?" before he could finish his question I was crawling into the back seat.

I squatted in front of Lilly and grabbed her hands.

"Lilly, mommy needs you to calm down okay?" She shook her head.

Atleast she was acknowledging me.

"I am sorry you got scared. But mommy and daddy are okay, most importantly you are okay." Her tears started to come slower and she was breathing mre regurally.

"Pumkin, everything is going to be okay. We never have to go back."

I took in her appearance. Her yellow dress was crunched up around her thighs, her hair was falling out of the pony tails and her face was red. her eyes were bloodhost and swlen and her face was still tear stained.

"okay mommy" she hiccupped out.

I smoothed the hair that was sticking to her face out of the way and gave her nose a kiss.

Fitz had the car parked on the side of some road I didn't recognie.

He pulled the door open and came to the rescue.

"Hey bug, You okay?" he grabbed one of her hands and gave it a squeeze.

"I don't" She paused for a second to take a deep breathe "Like yelling."

Who does?

"We know sweetie, there is no more yelling." Fitz smiled down at her.

"We promise" I added.

She stopped crying and took a deep breathe.

"I'm okay now" she smiled at the both of us.

It was amazing how kids bounced back.

I rode in the seat next to her all the way home.

I knew this was bad and it was my fault, even if Fitz would tell me it wasn't.

We pulled into our drive way and Fitz parked the car.

I told him I would get Lilly, who had fallen asleep, out of the car.

He didn't object instead he grabbed my purse and the diaper bag and we made our way into the house.

I put Lilly straight to be I knew she was exhausted physically and emotionally.

I took her out of her dress and threw one of her night gowns on before tucking her into bed.

I watched her from the door for a minute. The guilt weighed deep. Once again I was the reason she was upset.

I get Fitz wrap his hands around my waist.

"She is okay." He stayed as if he knew exactly what I was thinking.

He kissed my temple but didn't mak an effort to move.

I was silent because I knew she wasn't.

So he continued "She has to loving parents, a warm bed and a stomach full of food. What more could a girl want?" He was trying to be playful but my day had already been so stressful and I really wasn't in the mood.

I removed his hands form my waist and walked to our room.

He followed close behind me.

"Olivia."

I ignored him and went to my dresser looking for pajamas.

There was none and I knew that because I had yet to do fucking laundry. Just another thing to add to the list of my fuck ups.

"Olivia?" This time it was a question.

I still said nothing

I settled on one of his shirts and a pair of panties.

He watched me go to his closet and grab a shirt but said nothing. At least not until he saw me headed to the bathroom.

"So now you are ignoring me?" He asked stepping infront of the bathroom door blocking my way.

"Will you stop acting like you are two?"

I rolled my eyes and tried to move him out of the way.

He didn't budge.

"She speaks" he said in his sarcastic tone which only pissed me off even more.

"I want to go to bed will you move." My anger was evident in my voice. I wasn't mad at him, not really.

"What did your mom say?" He asked changing the topic.

"I don't want to talk about it" I raised my voice and threw my hands into the air.

"You don't get to shut me out. What she said had you in tears. So tell me."

"What part of I don't want to talk about it don't you understand? I spit out the words with more anger than I intended.

I watched him physically flinch at my harsh words.

He moved away form the door and I stormed into the bathroom slamming the door behind me.

I could hear him getting ready for bed.

I overeacted.

I know I overeacted.

So I would have to be the bigger person`.

Which was hard for me because well.

I'm me.

I got ready for bed. Took my clothes off and threw them in the hamper before I slipped on Fitz's shirt and then I brushded my teeth and washed my face.

I threw my hair up in a bun and looked in the mirror.

I had dark bags around my eyes.

Probably from the lack of sleep.

And my eyes were puffy.

From the crying I presumed.

But Fitz still loves me.

I let that sink in for a minute.

The fact that it wasn't Fitz against me it was me and Fitz against the problem.

We were a team.

I smiled at myself before opening the door and leaving the bathroom.

I glanced around the room.

My water was on the night stand, my slippers were placed perfectly on my side of the bed and the closet door was shut.

I let my mom get in between us.

She won.

Fitz was lying underneath the blankets, his back turned to me.

I went to my side of the bed and got in.

He didn't make an effort to turn and hold me.

"Fitz"

I knew he wasn't sleeping.

"Fitz?"

I snuggled into his back and ran my cold feet up his calves.

"Jesus Olivia" he pulled back away from me.

I knew he wasn't sleeping.

I sat up, crossing my legs and waited for him to look at me.

He never did.

"Fitz I wanna talk."

"Olivia twenty minutes ago you wanted to go to sleep." he pulled the blankets around his neck and snuggled deeper into the bed.

He had the right to be angry. I knew that. With every thing that was going on right now I knew he was stressed. Once again he was taking care of me.

"I know and I am sorry but I need to really talk."

He didn't move for a second.

He threw the blankets off of him in a dramatic effect and planted his feet on the floor before turning on his bedside lamp.

Suddenly his half naked torso could be seen.

He stood up, I watched as he readjusted the comforter before he sat back down this time facing me.

I just stared at his blue eyes.

They spoke volume to what he was feeling.

Defeat, worry, love and my least favorite anger.

"If I cry just ignore me okay?" I knew I was going to cry and I just needed him not to baby me.

"Olivia." he stated exasperated.

"What did your mom say." he grabbed my hand and rubbed his thumb across the smooth surface of my palm.

I felt the flood gates opening at his small simple gesture.

I made myself busy with anything just so I could keep my eyes off of him.

"A lot of stuff." I rolled my eyes thinking back to what she said.

"Like what." he asked, I could feel him staring at me but I couldn't bring myself to met his gaze.

"Lilly wasn't my daughter." I whispered ashamed that I had let her words get to me. I let a single tear fall from my eye. 

"Liv,baby" he went to wrap me in one of his hugs.

"No don't baby me." I pushed him away and I finally met his gaze.

He put his hands down by his side and just looked at me.

"That isn't all she said. She said I cant substitute the loss of one daughter with another." the tears were coming freely now and blurring my vision. I tried my best to keep his gaze I needed to stop running way from him.

"Olivia that isn't true." he took his hand and drug it down his face. Suddenly it looked like he had aged ten years. This wasn't just getting to me. he was still hurting too. He broke our gaze and starred at his hands.

"I know, I know that." I shook my head and wiped some of the fallen tears with the back of my hand.

"She also asked.. when we uh... when we were going to try and have another baby." his eyes snapped in my direction.

"We aren't ready Olivia. You aren't ready." Suddenly his hands were on my knees and he was inches away from my face.

"I know that too. But if this was something you wanted, I owe you and we aren't getting any younger and tha-"  
"Liv we are married we don't do things just because on person wants it we are a team in everything we do." 

He grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze. "We will try when we are both ready."

I knew this next part would hurt him but I couldn't keep it to myself any longer.

"Fitz I don't want another baby. I don't want to have a baby" I stated calmly.

Hurt and confusion were the only things in his eyes.

He let go of my hand.

"What? Where is this coming from." he stood from the bed and walked to the closest putting a lot of space between us.

"I have been thinking about it a lot lately and I just I don't want to go through it all again." I tried explaining it to him in a way that didn't make it seem like I was crushing all his dreams.

"Olivia the chance of you miscarrying again are slim to none. You know that." he started to raise his voice.

I know that you don't think I know that? I have a daughter and she is enough. If that cant be enough for you then I am sorry." I shrugged my shoulders still crying and pulled the covers over me suddenly feeling exposed.

"You are being serious right now?" he glared at me like he didn't recognize who I was.

"Why are you acting like this? you don't have to carry a baby for nine months. you don't have to worry about doing things wrong." I was genuinely confused as to why he was being rude about this.

"You cant just change our plan. This isn't making decisions together this is you running away. I don't know why any of this surprises me you have done it since day one. You are constantly leaving me Liv constantly. You walk away when you want. You come back when you want. It's only me, you don't leave your friends, you just leave me. God I am so weak you didn't want marriage you didn't want this life." he threw his hands out signaling that he was talking about the house. this life. my life.

"I should have let you go, if I loved you...if I loved you I should have let you go. You would be happier, you and I both know the only reason you do anything is because you loved me. You never did anything because you wanted to do it."

he stopped for a few minutes and I reflected on what he said.

"You don't love me?" I asked he looked at me with tears in his eyes.

"God don't you understand, its that I love you so much it hurts. You are the love of my life. I just wish I could have let you go." he shrugged in defeat.

I didn't say anything when he grabbed the spare pillows and a blanket and headed for the door.

"I'm sleeping on the couch." before I could find the words to say he was closing the door.

How things got so out of hand so fast was beyond me.

I pulled the cover over my head and cried.

Life couldn't get more fucked.


	9. Chapter 9

**Lilly's POV**

Mommy and daddy have been fighting.

They pretend to be normal around me but I can tell.

Mommy doesn't smile as bright when daddy talks anymore.

They don't even talk.

I don't like it.

"Hey bug, Mommy is gonna drop you off at grandmas today." Daddy smiled at me but it wasn't a real smile, it didn't reach his eyes.

"No bug i'm not Daddy is taking you because I am already late." This was one of the cases where they didn't talk to each other.

They were talking to me like I was a telephone.

Daddy slammed the dishes in the sink making me jump.

"Of course you are to busy." He had an angry look on his face and it made me sad.

But I didn't cry because if I cried it would only make it worse.

"Sorry Fitzgerald that I have a job and I am not some stay at home mom. I'm sure there is some girl out there that would be more than happy to be your F-U-C-K-I-N-G trophy wife." now mommy had an angry look.

I sat at the table pretending not to notice. I was good at the pretending.

I knew mommy was spelling bad words but I didn't let them know that either.

"Just go Olivia, I'll handle it like I handle everything." He whispered the last part but I'm pretty sure mommy heard it because she rolled her eyes and stomped over to me.

She plastered a fake smile on her face and gave me a big kiss and lots of hugs.

"Bye baby I love you."

"You haven't eaten breakfast yet." I watched mommy glance at daddy who pretended to not hear me.

"I will grab something at work but I have to go." she gave my nose one last kiss before she stood to leave.

"Daddy say bye bye." I knew I was walking on a very thin line but we did it every morning and it would be weird if they didn't say bye.

"Bye." he spat it out and I felt sad.

She said bye with the same tone before slamming the door.

Daddy said bad words under his breathe and I made myself busy with the eggs on my plate.

A little while later he put me in the car and we drove to my grandmas house.

Daddy played my favorite Disney's songs but I wasn't in a Disney mood.

"Can we turn the radio off?" I asked nicely.

He turned the music down and glanced back at me.

"Everything okay with you pumpkin."

I didn't want to tell him that I knew he was sleeping on the couch or that I didn't like when he was mean to mommy.

"Yeah" I lied instead.

he seemed to accept that answer because we sat in silence the rest of the way to grandmas house.

He let me out and I said a quick hi to grandma before going to the tv room.

I felt like the adults needed time to talk.

* * *

**Fitz's Pov**

"Will you let me know if you see a change in Lilly. She has been acting strange lately." I handed her the diaper bag off my shoulder and she directed me into the kitchen.

"Do you think she is sick?" she went to the fridge and grabbed a pitcher.

"No I think she is picking up on the tension at the house." She handed me a glass of water.

"Why is there tension? Everything all right?"

I checked my watch "I really should get going".

She placed her soft hand on my cheek and rubbed her thumb from the bottom of my eye down to the tip of my lips. It was something she used to do when I was a kid.

"Tell me what's wrong baby."

"She doesn't want kids. She said she is done that Lilly is it for us. She wants every thing on her terms. The way she wants it done and if it isn't done that way then she gives up. She is constantly giving up and before it was fine because I would pick up the slack but I won't do it anymore. I can't. She is giving up and I don't have the energy to make her stay."

She was quiet for a second.

"Well do you blame her? That girl has been through things that most people could never handle. She is trying I'm sure. Even the strong get broken and need help. She has always need that push, she is scared of commitment. With parents like hers its really no wonder. She is scared and emotionally and physically she is messed up. She needs your help not you to give up on her too."

My mother has always been team Olivia. Always has been and always will be. She is a die had Livvie fan.

"I don't get to have feelings on anything I have always put her first. I didn't get the time to grieve for myself. She isn't the only one who lost something. She gives up on me on Lilly and the second I start to even think about I get the cold shoulder. Double standards much?" I knew my tone was a bit rough especially directed towards my mother but I needed her to see my side not just Olivia's.

"Fitzgerald, life is hard and uncertain at times. you of all people know that. But you and Olivia have something most will never find. You both are crazy about each other. That love will always be there, but if this is what you want then i am on your side. Leaving her won't change anything. It will only make your life harder."

I had never once thought about leaving Olivia. She was my other half. My beating heat outside of my chest. The love of my life.

"I am not going to leave her." I said quietly before taking a sip of water.

"I don't want you to loose yourself. Deep down you are still my baby. Just if you stay mke sure you are staying gor the right reasons." I gave her a kiss on the cheek and decided to leave.

She had given me a lot to think about.

* * *

**Olivia's Pov**

"Hey Liv your patient in 203 coted last night." I jumped from my spot on the couch in my office.

"Woah sorry I didn't mean to scare you." She put her hands up in a sort of apologetic way.

"You're fine." I ran my hand through my hair and suddenly had this seek feeling in my stomach.

Abby must have seen the color change in my face because seconds later she had grabbed the trash can that resided next to my desk and had it propped in font of my face just in time.

I couldn't stop the breakfast from flying out of my mouth. Abby held my hair back and kept the trash can steady as I heaved all the contents of my stomach into the black can before me.

"You okay?" Abby whispered rubbing my back in a familiar attentive way.

I wiped my mouth over the sleeve of my lab coat.

"I don't know anymore." The tears began to flow freely down my face. I tried to stop them but everything was so hard.

"I can't keep pretending to be this person I'm not. Oh god Abby, I've fucked up my whole life. I wanted the perfect life. The Job, the house, the husband and the kids. I tried so hard to have it Abby." I grabbed her arm and suddenly it was hard for me to breathe.

"I love him."

"I know Liv."

I shook my head abruptly and hard.

"but I don't have it together." I finished.

She pulled my head into her chest and I cried harder than I should have.

"You don't always have to have it together Olivia."

* * *

**Lilly's POV**

Grandma let me make cookies. I guess she could tell I was sad.

"Hey bug you wanna tell me what's on your mind?"

I was putting the cookies on the sheet but she was staring at me really hard, I knew it was only a matter of time before she brought up whatever it was that her and daddy were talking about this morning.

"I want Mommy and daddy to stop fighting." I thought it was a simple enough request.

She grabbed the cookie sheet from in front of me and put it in the oven.

"Lilly baby people who love each other a fight."

"Do you know why they fight?" I met her pretty eyes.

They were green, which was weird because me and daddy have blue eyes.

"I'm don't know." She was lying.

She got this wrinkle in her forehead when she lied, just like daddy.

"I know." I waited for a minute before I spoke again.

"Daddy wants a baby but mommy doesn't. Mommy says that I am enough but dad thinks that they need to have a baby together."

Grandma gave me a look.

"What? the walls are thin." I shrugged.

"I don't know why daddy needs mommy to want another baby. If my baby died then I would never want another baby ever again. Daddy blames mommy for the baby dying. I don't understand that part. How is it mommy's fault?"

I didn't understand that. Like at all.

Mommy saves kids all day long at work. Mommy doesn't kill them? she gets sad when a person dies. So why would Daddy think Mommy did this on purpose. These were the questions going through my head but I was just a kid. No one really cared what I thought.

I could tell by the look on her face that she wasn't going to answer the question.

That was okay, no one ever took me seriously.

* * *

**Fitz's POV**

Today has been long and I was grateful to be home. I sent my mother a quick text telling her I would run bye and grab Lilly before dinner. Olivia wouldn't be home for a few more hours. So I could get a nice nap in my bed before she came in and I was kicked back down to the uncomfortable couch.

I left my briefcase in the hallway and dragged my tired body up the flight of stairs and into my bedroom. I stripped out of my suit until I was left in just my boxers. The bed looked soft and welcoming. I sank myself into the bed and quickly fell asleep.

I was sleeping the best I had in over a week.

That was until I heard the retching noise.

I blinked the sleep away a couple of times before I could read the clock sitting on my nightstand.

**4:28**

I heard the sound again and I winced. Someone was throwing up except from the sound of it they didn't have anything left in there stomach to throw up.

I got out of the bed and went to the bathroom door. I presumed that's where the noise was coming from. Olivia shouldn't be home. She was never home before dark.

I knocked on the door lightly, "Olivia?" she would be the only person in our bathroom, regardless of the time.

"Go away" her voice was muffled and I could tell her head was once again I the toilet. My sucpions were confirmed when I heard her heaving again.

I ignored her demand and opened the door. She was crouched down, still wearing her lab coat and scrubs, with her head inside the toilet.

"I said to go away Fitz." she didn't move to look at me but I could tell by the tone in her voice that she was pissed but trying not to cry.

Olivia was the biggest baby when she was sick. It wasn't her fault she was just rarely sick so on the very strange occurrence when it did happen she doesn't know how to react.

I crouched down next to her and rubbed her back.

"I know what you said but I am still your husband. So I am going to sit right here until you think you are done. Then I am going to carry you to the bed. Because Olivia you are the love of my life no matter if we fight. I am always going to be her for you. We are in this together, forever."

I rubbed her back.

"Okay" she mumbled into the toilet.

"How long have you been home?" i asked rubbing her back with just the right amount of pressure.

"A few hours, I heard you come in I just didn't have enough energy to say anything."

"How long have you been throwing up?"

She moved the hair out of her face and I saw the tears pulling in her eyes.

"All day, but it feels familiar." She must have saw the confusion on my face because she continued.

"This is what it was like when I was pregnant Fitz." She started to cry hard and I just tried to wrap my head around everything she was saying.

"Liv I don't know what to say." I really didn't I felt the smile pulling at my cheeks.

"Stop smiling this is exactly what you wanted. Just get away from me." She pushed me with her hand but she was so weak that I didn't go far.

"Liv-"

"Seriously Fitzgerald get away from me before I rip you in half." She was being serious but I couldn't leave her on the floor of the bathroom.

I grabbed her from her spot on the floor carefully.

"Fitz seriously stop" She fought me the whole way to our bed.

I laid her down and puled the blankets over her tiny form.

She was still crying and screaming for me to go away.

"I will go but just stay in bed and if you need me text me. I am going to pick up Lilly."

She didn't say anything until I was right about to leave which was the usual for her.

"Fitz I really cant do this. I cant have a baby." She made it sound so final.

Which made me mad.

"What are you saying Olivia?" I questioned her, my voice raising again.

"I don't want to do this." she was sitting up at this point, tears falling freely from her eyes.

"What the hell does that mean?"

"I mean if I am right, if I am pregnant then I want an abortion."

_**Do you guys think she could be pregnant?! I know it has been a hot minute since I have updated either of my stories and I am super sorry about that. Life gets in the way. Anyhoo hope you enjoyed! I know this chapter was all over the place but I wouldn't to play with each persons point of view. Until next time ~ D**_


	10. Chapter 10

**Flashback to The First Pregnancy...**

"We are having a baby Fitz." He had his hand wrapped around the pregnancy test. The stick that changed our lives.

I was pacing because I was pregnant and this is all we have ever hoped for EXCEPT he hadn't said anything yet, I had peed on the stick twenty minutes again and he wasn't talking.

He was happy right? How could he not be happy?

"Oh my god." he whispered more to himself than to me. I was still pacing back and forth.

I still couldn't tell if he was happy.

"I am pregnant Fitz." I put my hand on my head and smoothed my hair back. We were in the bathroom I really didn't have that much room to pace.

"Oh God I am having a baby, we... oh god we are having a baby, I'm pregnant and usually that would be okay because we are married and I love you and we have a house and nice jobs and nice cars and we love each other." I repeated the love part for my own personal gain. "Usually this is a good thing except I can't be a mom. I mean not really, I've always wanted to do it, but I can't really be a mom I mean look at my example I don't know how to have a baby. Oh god I'm pregnant. Fitzgerald say something because I'm freaking out." I was rambling, another thing I did when I was nervous, and I couldn't breathe like really couldn't breathe.

Fitzgerald was next to me in a matter of seconds.

"Olivia we are having a baby." He was happy the huge smile that graced his extremely handsome face let me know that and suddenly my worries disappeared.

"Yeah we are having a baby." I smiled back at him and he hugged me.

Everything was perfect I was pregnant, and I was so in love with the man in front of me.

"We are having a freaking baby." He repeated and just like that we were ready to start our family.

**7 months later...**

Something was wrong. I winced in pain, something bad was happening.

I crawled out of bed, that's when I felt it. Something dripping down my leg seconds later a sharp jabbing pain started in my stomach. I figured my water had broken except that would be bad, very bad. It was too early she still needed to stay in their a little longer.

The pain shot through my abdomen again.

I screamed out which got Fitz's attention.

"Hey baby what's wrong?" he wiped the sleep out of his eyes but stayed in the bed. Until he saw me hunched over with one hand on my stomach and the other on my back.

He was out of bed in a matter of seconds and by my side.

"Somethings wrong" I started to cry. The pain was spreading, and I felt like I might throw up.

"Okay here sit down." he lowered me to the bed, and I sat down still gasping in pain.

He flipped on the light and that's when we both saw it. A puddle of blood stained our before perfectly white carpet.

I met his eyes and I saw that he was scared which didn't help the panic that was rising in my body.

Before I knew it, everything went black.

* * *

"I am sorry for your loss Mr. Grant. Sometimes these things happen, and we may never know why. She may be in pain for a week or so, I can prescribe so pain meds. Let me know if there is anything else, I can do for you." I shook the doctor's hand and went back to Olivia's side.

She had yet to wake up. A part of me prayed that she never did, and I know that it's fucked up to think like that because she is my wife and life without her would be unimaginable.

It's just if she did wake up, I would have to tell her that thing she has been celebrating for the past seven months is never going to happen. Because I must tell my wife that our baby died and it's going to kill her worse than it is killing me.

I don't know what to say to her, explain this twisted day where our lives have completely been shattered.

"Fitz?" her voice was rasp and quite but somehow still started me.

"Hi" I grabbed her hand and gently rubbed it.

She looked at me and she knew. I never had to say a word.

She let go of my hand and cried.

I didn't know what to do, or how to fix this.

So, I let her cry and I didn't lie to her and tell her everything was going to be okay because nothing about this was okay.

We never completely returned to normal. It took a few months for us to finally talk to one another let alone be intimate. But I guess God has a funny way of doing things.

It was Liv's first week back to work since we lost the baby. She came home hot and bothered and before I could comprehend what was happening, she was riding me on the couch.

A month after that Olivia found out she was pregnant, again.

We were happy but we tried to not get to excited.

She was only eight weeks pregnant when she lost the second baby.

That officially broke her.

We had only been married for less than a year and we were already falling apart.

We got through it because through was the only option. We got through everything together.

* * *

"He blames me."

"He doesn't blame you Olivia." Abby was assigned to be my babysitter for the day. We were sitting on the porch drinking some lemonade. She wants me to believe that Fitz didn't text her to come over and make sure I didn't do anything to crazy.

"He won't look at me." That wasn't a lie he won't.

"That man loves you so much it physically hurts him."

We were watching the birds eat from the bird feeders it was warm outside but not to warm. The breeze was moving the leaves and the sun was a pretty pink shade. It was the perfect fall afternoon.

"He should just leave and go marry some other young girl who can give him what he really wants." Abby just stared at me and I knew that I had open a jar I shouldn't have.

"Olivia when is this going to be over for you? I get it people grieve but whatever is happening to you isn't grief. The Olivia I know wouldn't just give up on something she has wanted since grade school. The Olivia I know would get up and try again and stop pretending like she is some wounded dog. I get it you lost something that you thought you could have forever, but shit happens it's life Fitz moved on, so you need to as well." She grabbed her purse, but I didn't think she was done yet.

"If he is ignoring you it's because you shut him out. That's what you do. I'm leaving now so don't do anything stupid. She mumbled all the way to her car, and I watched as she drove away.

She did have a point.

I was a mess and I can't except Fitz to put me back together.

So, I would be the best wife I could be, and I was, I was the best wife I could be.

Until Lilly showed up and it all started going downhill again. It wasn't Lilly's fault I would never regret taking over the role as her mother. That was a no brainer. She was my daughter through and through. Except I was right all those months ago.

I have no clue how to be a mother.

Lilly deserves better.

Fitz deserves better.

So why were they settling on me?

* * *

I heard the door open and tiny feet running up the stairs before they were suddenly silent.

"Daddy put me down I want to see mommy." Lilly whispered I assumed Fitz picked her up and wouldn't let her in.

"No, she is sick she needs rest, you go downstairs and put the tv on I will start dinner." He whispered back to her.

"You get to see her? How is that fair?" she sassed back

"Lilian Grant you heard what I said." He said sternly and I heard her feet descend the stairs before Fitz pushed open our bedroom door.

He looked warn down and tired. I knew that it was my fault but to be fair I never told him to leave our bed.

"Fitz." I started but he quickly cut me off.

"No just wait don't talk don't think just listen to me for a minute." He approached me slowly and sat at the edge of the bed but kept his gaze on me.

"I don't know how you feel. How it felt to give birth to a still born. I don't know how it felt to miss carry the second baby. I admit that to you." His voice was hoarse, and I could tell he was about to cry but was trying hard not to let the tears out.

"Olivia I will never understand what being pregnant puts you through mentally and physically. So, if you want to do this because you think physically you can't handle it then I will call and schedule the appointment now. But if you are doing this because you think you can't, that we can't do this together as parents then I reject that. This isn't just a bump in the road for us. We went into this marriage with dreams and we both threw them away. But for what? At what cost? We have lost ourselves and I have bn trying so hard to find the girl who I fell in love with," A single tear fell from his eye and as it fell my heart broke a little more.

"You know I don't remember falling in love with you" he laughed dryly.

"I just remember one day we were walking, and I looked down and we were holding hands. Never in my life had I felt something so perfect. I remember looking at our hands and thinking about how much it would hurt to let go."

"Fitz" I whispered, I hadn't realized it, but tears were falling from my eyes and covering my face.

"No wait let me finish. I have never left your side and I don't want to now. I never realized how deep I buried myself to be with you. It isn't your fault and I am in no way blaming you, but I don't recognize myself anymore. I know I love you Olivia. I know that I want to have a family with you. But I also know we can't go on like this. I can't keep being this person. I don't know who this person is. The Fitz who married you would never have said the things I have said to you. I need to reevaluate myself because what we are right now isn't healthy. I don't want you to terminate the pregnancy. Because I have hope that you could carry this baby to term. I have hope that we will be okay. But if you don't share that hope if you think that this isn't worth fixing then I will respect that too. I love you Olivia and I always will, but this is hard. The hardest thing I have ever been able to see. The worst part is you don't think about how hard all this is on me. I have watched the person I love the most in this world fall apart. Piece by piece you have changed too. I don't know what to do. Just no I can't give up. Not now ever." He gave me a small smile, but I was losing it. He was losing it.

We had officially lost it. It wasn't just me that was a mess anymore.

He was right, he didn't know how hard this was for me, but I didn't know how hard this was form him either.

"I want to have a baby with you." I whispered.

He didn't move.

"But I am scared because if I can't do this then you will hate me. You will hate me because I can't give you kids, and I will hate you for believing in me." I spoke fast so I could get all the words out before I had any time to change

"Livvie I could never hate you. I may not like this decision, but I will always love you. You don't have to ever question that. You could really have this baby. We should go see a doctor so they can tell us everything we should know."

"I am a doctor" I reminded him

"I know, it's up to you Liv." He got off the bed and gave my forehead a kiss his lips hovered longer than they should have before he straitened his body and went to the door.

"I am going to make dinner will bring some up for you" he went to leave but has topped him.

"Can Lilly come up?" I sounded like a child asking for dessert before dinner.

"She is your daughter of course she can."

He left me in the room to think about a lot but gladly Lilly came in to keep me company she snuggled with me and told me about the cookies she made with Fitz's mother.

I wanted to make a decision for him. But I needed one for myself.

If I was pregnant which we don't know for sure if I am do, I really want an abortion?"

**I felt like we needed a little flashback to understand some of what Olivia has dealt with. Everyone was quick to call her selfish but in reality she is just grieving. They will get counseling so don't worry but Olitz will always be endgame it just might take longer to get there. Lilly's thoughts will be talked about further I just wanted to get this chapter out of the way. As of Love and war I have terrible writers block I know where I want the story to be I just don't know how to get it their so it may be longer until I get a chapter out. As always hope you guys enjoyed leave a review :) **

**~D **


	11. Chapter 11

_**A/N**_

_** I STRONGLY urge you guys to read this chapter to the end!**_

It was four in the morning and my bestfriend was the toilet once again.

I wanted to kill Fitz for doing this to me... again.

I felt another wave coming as the acid liquid came spilling out of my mouth and into the bowl.

My heaving must have woken Fitz up because he was next to me rubbing my back and trying to readjust the pony tail that was in my hair.

I knew he did it all kinds of messed up but I didn't have the energy to fix it.

"You okay?" he handed me a bottle of water all while never skipping a beat rubbing soothing circles on my lower back.

I opened the water and took a sip.

"No" I said honestly.

"You wanna try some crackers."

I rolled my eyes. My patience has already been thin with him and I knew I was being a bitch but I really couldn't help it.

"No" I repeated.

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

Fitz trying to help went in three stages.

1) Are you okay?

2) Wanna try and eat something?

3) Anything I can do to help?

It was repetitive and annoying.

"Yeah let me get an abortion." I knew I should cool it with my attitude and start being nicer to my husband but my head really wouldn't let me.

"Fitz I didn't mean-"

"It's your choice, I am gonna lay down call me if you need me." Before I could object he was back in the room.

I stayed in the bathroom for another hour before I made my way back into bed searching for sleep.

Sleep didn't come easy and when I finally did sleep it wasn't for that long. Our appointment was scheduled at nine and I knew Fitz would want an answer.

* * *

We got Lilly ready and dropped her off at her grandmothers before we made our way to the doctors office.

We didn't tell Lilly about the baby because I knew I wanted an abortion and I didn't want to have to explain to her the whole situation. Fitz's reasoning was he wanted to make sure we made it past a certain point ot make sure I wouldn't miscarry he was still holding on to this illusion that I would try and have this baby.

"Olivia Grant" The nurse led us back to the exam room and I got on the exam bed. Fitz looked nervous I could tell by the beads of sweat forming on his brow bone even though it was rather cold in the room.

I didn't know if he was nervous for what the doctor was going to say or me. I gave his hand a reassuring squeeze before Dr. Greene came in.

"Mr. and Mrs. Grant how are we today?" Martin had been our doctor since we were pregnant the first time. He didn't need caught up on the history of my hostile uterus. Which is why I hated the formality of his tone.

"Liv and Fitz how many times do I have to tell you Martin." He was family at this point.

He smiled at me and pulled me into a hug. "My favorite pain in the ass patient."

He stretched his hand out for Fitz who shook it "Hey Martin how ya been?"

"Hey Fitz, ive been good busy with work."

We all smiled before he jumped into the appointment.

"Alright so you think you are pregnant. Do I need to take blood?" He knew I was a doctor and I would have already ran my blood.

"No" He smiled at me.

"How far along do you think you are?" He asked probably to figure out if he needed to do a vaginal ultrasound or not.

I hadn't thought about that. I could tell Fitz was doing the math in his head so I decided to as well.

We use to fuck like rabbits, that was a truth but in the past few months we really haven't. We coud get in a few heavy petting session but that was it nothing to crazy before Lilly would interrupt us. Not that either of us had been in the mood really, we had been fighting way to much. The last time we were intimate had to have been moths ago at this point. The night Lilly got a fish, that part I rememeber vivdly. That was a little over two minths ago.

We really hadn't had sex in that long?

Fitz met my eyes and I knew that he had about the same number as me.

Were we really that far disconnected.

"Guys?" Martin chuckled interuptiing our staring contest.

"Uh yeahs sorry… about two months." Fitz stated rather sadly.

"Okay perfect." he grabbed the jelly and I rolled my shirt up.

"This might be a tad bit cold." He applied a generous amount on my lower belly and I winced. It really was cold.

Fitz grabbed my hand.

I didn't look at the screen there wasn't really a point.

Fitz instinclty gave my hand a squeeze so I knew the baby was okay as of now. He was smiling, his mouth slight agape and his left side was tugged up a little. It was like he was scared to be happy and excited like this might be snatched from him at any point.

Little did he know that I felt the same way.

Except this time I wasn't allowing some unknown force to do the snatching I was going to do it my self. Somehow I convinced myself that it was better that way.

The sound I have been dreading since I started getting morning sickness coud be heard.

It was defening, the heart beat was loud and fast.

Which was good, he or she was strong.

"Do you guys need pictures?"

"No" I said quickly shutting donw the yes that was on the tip of my husbands tongue.

Martin removed the wand from my belly and wiped the excess jelly off.

I rolled my shirt down and sat back up.

"So, we all know this is an extremely high risk pregnancy. You have gotten this far so that is good you are about 11-12 weeks pregnant. I suggest that at sixteen weeks we do a Cerlege. That were we-"

"I know what it is you don't have to explain it." Martin knew I was a doctor but sometimes I forget that Fitz didn't go to med school.

"What is it?" Fitz asked

"He wants to sew my cervix closed it lowers your chances of miscarrying." I stated in a huff.

"So we could schedule the appointment a month from now and everthing should go smoothly."

Should go

"You don't need to do that." Fitz let go of my hand its like he knew what I was going to say next.

"Why? It could help your chances of carrying this baby to term?" Martin asked puzzled by my early statement.

"I would like to schedule an abortion." That threw Martin through a loop I could tell because he couldn't hide his feelings, they could be seen clear as day on his face.

"Olivia you are a doctor you know that you don't have to do this. The statistics of this pregnancy ending are lower because we are aware of your condition and doing the cerclage will help."

"What are the chances she looses the baby?" Fitz stepped in and asked.

"43% I know it isn't what you would want but you both have a fighting chance. I know how hard this journey has been but you guys have a chance." Martin smiled at me and I felt sick.

I looked at Fitz, he really thought I was going to change my mind.

"You're right it isn't what we wanted 43% isn't high enough for me I want the abortion." Fitz mumbled a thank you to Martin before storming out of the room.

"Liv, you know you really could carry this baby to term, The cerclage is a simple procedure with minimum pain. You could have the baby you have always wanted why would you pull the plug on that?" He went to grab my hand but I snatched it away before he could.

"I want this and as my doctor you can either do it or I will find another doctor who will." I spat out harshly. He physically flinched at my words.

"Okay Mrs, Grant if this is what you want then I can see you here tomorrow at the same time for the procedure. You will of course have to meet with the counseler and get cleared before we start."

"Thank you." I grabbed my purse and jacket and made my way out of the exam room. I walked into the waiting room and I couldn't find Fitz, I checked the bathroom in hopes he stopped in there but still nothing.

I decided to go wait outside for him at the car even though it was cold and my feet were already hurting from these stupid heels I still insisted on wearing.

About half way to the car I spotted him leaning against my door on the car.

"I scheduled the procedure for nine tomrow." I stated before he moved himself off the door and opened it for me.

I slipped in and buckled my seat belt.

He got in soon after me and we began the drive home.

We didn't talk and it was beginning to get awkward.

"Is there a reason you stormed out of the room?" I asked angrly and breaking the silence.

"Yeah, sorry abut that." He mumbled glancing at me before turning his attention back to the road.

"You said this was my decision." He did say that so why was he acting like this.

"I know and it is. I may not like you resolution but its your body and you are my wife. So here I am."

I was going to say something else but he turned the radio on ending our argument.

We went by and picked up Lilly. It was suppose to be our day off and we were going to go out for dinner but Fitz detactched himself from me.

We barely talked for the rest of the night.

The day sped by and before I knew it Fitz was tucking Lilly into bed.

He took longer than expected and I must have been asleep when he got back in the room because I didn't hear him come in.

The next morning Fitz went into work at six so I got Lilly ready for her day and dropped her off at her grandmothers. He didn't talk to me at all when he got up this morning. Normally he would leave a note by the coffee pot if he left before I was up but today there was no note.

I didn't even know if he would be at the appointment but I cleared that out of my head and drove myself to the office.

I walked in and went straight to the receptionist.

"Hi my name is -"

"Olivia" Martin called my name and I turned to look at him.

"Come on back here" he waved me over.

So it begins.

* * *

**Fitz's POV**

I left this morning before she woke up because I really needed some space.

I didn't think she would actually go through with this. That part hit me hard, her giving up was something I would have never thought about.

So I went to talk to the only person I knew.

"Hey what's up with you man?" Bryce hugged me tight.

I hugged him back.

"God it has been to long." We released each other and went into the restaurant.

"Tell me what has been happening with you?" Bryce opened his menu and started grazing the options.

"Mellie had my baby and Olivia is pregnant." I blurted out.

"WHAT?!" he practically yelled earning us stares from everyone in the reastraunt.

So I filled him in on everything.

Mellie.

Lilly.

Olivia's Mother.

and lastly Olivia's pregnancy.

Two hours later and several pancakes he was finally caught up.

"I leave you for six months tops and you are already going crazy?"

He laughed and took another bite of pancake.

"I have always been a mess what did you expect?"

"Let me make sure I got all this straight. So a girl shows up at your door step claiming to be Mellie's daughter and you find some long letter. Mellie killed herself Liv was on board with raising the girl... ugh Lindsay, no wait that isn't right Layla? nooo uh..."

"Lilly" I helped him out.

"Right so Lilly is your daughter and Liv was on board with it. Then her mother freaked out on her and then she said she didn't want kids. You guys got in a big fight. Somewhere in there you guys banged and now she is pregnant and that would be great news, should be great news except she wants and abortion?"

"Yes, you got it all"

"Fit that's really messed up man. I am so sorry."

He gave me a sad smile.

"I didn't call you here to pity me I need you to tell me what to do."

"Right sorry, well Fitz your vows are for better or for worse and I am afraid right now you are in the worse part. That really sucks but you cant just walk away because she is getting an abortion. What Olivia has to go through to carry a baby is strenuous you and I will never understand that. With that said she doesn't know how bad it was for you when you lost Teddy."

I flinched at the name. Bryce was the only person I told the name of my still born son too.

"I saw you that night you were a mess. But she didn't, she doesn't know about your pain because you both are to stubborn to actually talk about it. I think you guys need a counselor. You both cant go on like this especially with Lilly in the house. If I had a girl like liv I wouldn't ever make her feel like she was alone. I know that wasn't your intention but." He checked his watch.

"Right now Olivia is in a cold room with sterile equipment around her hoping that you would walk through the door and be her husband. You don't have to like the decision Fitz but you cant just let her do it alone. She is scared and alone and she needs you"

His words hit me like a ton of bricks.

"I gotta go you're right." I took some cash out my wallet and threw it on the table. It was probably way to much but I didn't care.

"Call me later" I heard Bryce yell before I left the reatraunt.

I broke almost every traffic law trying to get to her.

I shouldn't have left this morning. I cursed myself out for that dumb childish decision.

I know Bryce was right when he said that we needed counseling. Regardless Olivia was really scared and I acted like I could care less. That is something I would never forgive myself for.

I pulled into the parking lot like a mad man and parked accidently taking up two spots. I ran as fast as I could until I reached the receptionist desk.

Sweaty and out of breathe I panted out "Olivia Grant"  
It took the nurse a second to fully understand what I was saying.

"I'm sorry sir she was already taken back"

My heart stopped, I was too late.

I ran my hand through my hair and backed against the wall.

"Dammit" I said out loud as I slid down the wall. I kept my hands on my head and tried to cam myself down.

She needed me for better or for worse and I backed out. What was wrong with me, this whole time Olivia has been selfish in my eyes but honestly how could I expect her to go through this again? She connects with each and every baby she has ever carried, a piece of her goes with them and that is something I couldn't comprehend.

I wasn't even close to done beating myself up about being late.

"Fitz?" I jerked my head up to her.

It was like I saw her in a different light now. She was broken down. She looked worn out and I silently yelled at myself for causing her any stress. She was wearing my t-shit and some leggings with her hair pulled back into a tight pony tail. I knew the second we got home she would take it down because it would give her a headache.

Her eyes were puffy and her face had fresh tears rolling down them. She was crying and that killed me.

"Livvie, I am so sorry I am late I tried to get here as fast as I could I'm so sorry you had to do that alone" seconds later she was in my arms and hugging me for dear life.

"I am so sorry Fitz" she cried harder and everyone was staring at us but I really didn't care.

"No don't apologize really. It's okay I understand why you couldn't do it." I whispered in her hair.

She pulled back from me but kept her hands around me.

Our faces were inches apart.

"No, I didn't do it Fitz." She whispered to me.

My hands went to her cheeks and I wiped the tears away.

"I thought it would be better if I did it on my terms instead of something happening and this being ripped away from me but it isn't just me. It's you too and I cant do that. I cant do that to you and no that isn't the only reason I didn't do it. I really want a baby with you Fitz. I am just really scared and I need you to be patient with me and ignore me when I m being bitchy because I am really fucked up and I cant do this on my own. I wish I told you this all sooner but I just want you to stay okay? Just please don't leave me because I almost did this really dumb thing, just... I promise I can be better. I will be better because we only have seven months to get ourselves ready. I think I can do this, I know I can have a healthy baby 43% isn't exactly good but it isn't bad and I just-"

She was rambling.

"Livvie baby" I laughed letting the few tears that had built in my eyes fall.

"You didn't do it?" I looked into her eyes and she just smiled back at me.

"I didn't do it Fitz"

_**A/N Hoped you guys enjoyed this chapter. Olivia in my head would NEVER have an abortion in my head. However she really needs to see a therapist because she is low key fucked up. Don't worry she will be seeing a therapist as well as Fitz. Bryce is a really close friend to Fitz, don't worry you will get a back story there too. Liv changed her mind I will go into what she was feeling when she was alone in the procedure room too. The lack of Lilly in this chapter is sad but don't worry she will be back. Hope you guys enjoyed leave a review I love reading your comments even the hateful ones :) Until next time.**_

_**~D**_


	12. Chapter 12

Nothing was fitting.

Not the dress.

Not the pants or the skirt.

And God knows I couldn't even try to fit my ass in those jeans.

I looked at myself in the mirror. I was fresh out of the shower standing naked in our closet trying to find something to wear to my doctor's appointment. Today I am officially seven months pregnant and believe me you could tell.

My stomach was huge and I was afraid it couldn't get any bigger, but I've been saying that since month three. I looked like a whale, my boobs are huge and tender, my thighs are thicker than usual and my stomach enters a room several minutes before the rest of me.

I look disgusting. That thought brought tears to my eyes. Maybe it was the pregnancy hormones or maybe its because i am actually gross. Even my husband won't touch me anymore. I let the tears fall from my eyes at a rapid pace.

I hate being pregnant.

* * *

Fitz Pov

When I left the house this morning Olivia was in the shower. I told her I would drop Lilly off at my mothers and would meet her at the doctor's office for her checkup. I smiled to myself, we made it this far, SHE made it this far.

We had the cerlage and it really seems to be working. When she was pregnant with Teddy she made it to eight months, so we are still on edge. I am so happy we are making these huge milestones though.

The thought of Olivia made me miss her. I missed my wife. So I decided to call her just to say Hi.

I grabbed my pocket.

Empty.

I checked the cup holders of the car.

Empty.

"Son of a bitch" I huffed out realizing I had left the phone charging on the nightstand in our bedroom.

I turned the car around and went back towards home. Luckily, I wasn't too far away and reached home in about ten minutes. Still not happy at the fact I was this careless and now I was going to be late to the doctor's appointment. I pulled into the driveway and left the car there instead of parking it in the garage like I usually would. I left the keys in the ignition and ran to the door.

I heard the loud sobs the second I opened the door.

My heart beats faster.

My throat suddenly became dry and I was unable to swallow.

I tried to move, but my feet would not lift off the ground. I was frozen in place. I knew I should be running up the stairs. Any man in their right mind would be up those stairs in two seconds flat. Any good husband would have already been up there by his wife's side. So why couldn't I move?

The last time I came home to Olivia crying hysterically was when we lost Teddy. I never realized how that day has controlled my life. I needed to be there for Olivia. I tried not to let my mind wander to the possibility of her miscarrying. God would be cruel to let her carry this far along only to lose the baby again.

I had stood there long enough.

Regardless of my own emotions and how scared I was, Olivia needed me. She would be even more scared than I. Before my brain could make a conscious decision my feet were moving up the stairs. The heartbreaking sounds led me to the closest.

I only took a second to brace myself before slowly pushing the door open. The site before me broke my heart. Olivia was curled up, naked, in a ball on the floor. Her knees were tucked as close as her belly would let her into her chest and she was gasping for air. Her back was to me, so I knew she wasn't aware of my presence, at least not yet. I watched her for a second making sure there was no immediate threat. When the sight became to much to bare I decided to make and advancement towards her.

"Livvie?" I watched as her body became tense and she began wiping at her eyes.

"uhh..what are you doing home?" Her voice suddenly became a mask to what she was feeling. Had I not witnessed with my own eyes her crying, I would have never known.

"Don't" I pleaded. She met my eyes fro a brief second before standing and throwing on one of my my old t-shirts. "I'm fine Fitz" she spoke softly but commanding. That was her leave it alone tone. I couldn't leave it alone, how could I? "Olivia please don't...don't do that" I made my way to wear she was standing and wrapped my arms around her, pulling her as close as the baby bump would allow.

"Don't put your guard up. Don't push me away. Tell me what is wrong so we can work through it together. Okay?"

* * *

Olivia's Pov

He was saying all the right things and before long my walls came tumbling down and I was sobbing into his shirt.

"Hey, it's okay, you're gonna be okay" he laid his head on top of mine and whispered sweet assuring things in my ears. I felt like we had been standing there for a year before i finally began to pull away. Surprisingly he let me go when I pulled against his embrace.

I could feel his eyes on me as I moved around the closest. I decided on a pair of sweatpants and his old shirt. "Are you gonna tell me what happened?" he whispered while pulling at his hands and avoiding eye contact.

I learned that when we started dating. When he is nervous he pulls at his fingers, a trait that Lilly had picked up on. In Melody's suicide letter she said Fitz did not have a tell, no matter how hard she looked. I couldn't help but think maybe he was never nervous with her. Surely she would have noticed the hand picking. I hated the thought that he didn't make him nervous but I did.

"Did you ever get nervous with Mellie?" the words came rushing out of my mouth before I could stop them. I saw the confusion cover his perfect face, "what?" his eyebrows crunched together and created the divot I love so much.

"She said you didn't have a tell, that the way she found you was because of me.I have known you for three years and you have always done that" I said pointing to his fingers.

Embarrassment crept into his cheeks creating a rosy glimmer to his face. "I.. uh" he muttered out. "She never gave me a reason to be nervous" He said quietly suddenly ashamed.

"I'm sorry. If i knew you were gonna come back, I wouldn't have... I would have left." our eyes never left each other's and i could see the embarrassment replaced with hurt.

"Don't apologize for showing your emotions. I wish you could just let me in. I have tried for the past three years, to be the best boyfriend, fiance and then husband. I feel like i am always falling short. It's like i can never win with you. Hell yeah you make me nervous. In the middle of the night when i lie awake and see you laying next to me i get scared. Scared that one day this could all be gone. That one day i won't be able to wake up to you. I get scared when we are walking in the mall and some guy stares to long at you. Some guy who could offer you, simplicity. I am scared that some knight in shiny armor is going to come in here and realize how far out of my league you are. I worry every time you are home alone that something bad could happen. Above all else i worry that at some point in this dream the rug is going to be pulled out from under us and we are gonna lose this baby. I know you and i know me, we wouldn't make. Our love is strong but it isn't strong enough to go through that again. i'm scared we won't make it. We won't get our dream. So no, Mellie never made me nervous, but she wasn't my heart outside of my chest, my whole world wasn't controlled by her feelings. I didn't love her and I've never loved anyone the way i love you."

"You think I could find someone better?" I smiled through the tears that were threatening to pill down my cheeks.

He smiled at the playfulness in my voice.

"Have you seen yourself? Baby bump and all, you are soooo out of my league. You could have so much better."

I guided myself back into his arms and hugged him. Tighter than I should have but I need to feel him close. i needed my senses to be invaded by him.

My gaze met his eyes, his eyes were different in moments like these, they were softer than i knew eyes to ever be. His eyes showed me into his heart, he was a man who loved deeply. If it were anyone else i would have dropped my gaze, but with him i am drawn closer, always wanting more. Then he said the words he didn't even know i needed to hear. "We're okay, you and me, we are gonna be fine." I just nodded wanting to take this moment in and remember it forever. In this whole world there isn't another like him. Of course i couldn't find anyone greater than him and i told him just that.

"I wont find someone better by leaving the best." I reassured before placing my lips softly on his.

"I. Love. You. More. Than. You. Could. Ever. Know." Each word i said was punctuated with a feather soft kiss.

"I'm not going anywhere, your'e stuck with me. Okay?" i whispered as our forehead remained touching. His hands slid around to my back and held me.

We both knew we needed a minute. No words exchanged just us. Our worlds colliding for the millionth time since we met. Both completely at peace in the others embrace.

We are going to do this.

We are going to get our dream.

We both found excitement in that.

* * *

_**I am so sorry i have been MIA! College is kissing my ass. I have been ****watching** **scandal**** in my free time and was ****inspired****. I ****promise**** to update the other stories soon. As always i hope you enjoy. **_

_**XOXO ~ Danni **_


	13. Chapter 13

I came home to Lilly and Olivia knocked out in our bed. Liv had her laptop on her sport bra clad breasts that had grown sustainably in the past seven months. While Lilly hade her head rested against Liv's growing belly. It was a heartwarming sight to see the two of them so at peace.

After the world's crappiest day of work that I had just experienced it was a sight for sore eyes. I picked Lilly up, careful not to wake either of my girls. I walked Lilly through the hall until I got to her room. I tucked her into bed and gave her a quick kiss.

Ever since Lilly saw me do Olivia's night routine, she has insisted that I do the same for her. So, I plugged in her pink fan that she insisted we buy and turned it on low. Grabbed her sippy cup and made sure it was full of water before placing it on her night stand. She was definitely old enough to not be using a sippy cup but like me she moves a lot in her sleep. Sometimes knocking over the cups and everything else that lined her side table. So sippy cups were the comprises we came up with. Next step on the night routine were slippers.

I looked around the room. "Where the hell are her slippers?" One thing about Lilly is she likes to leave everything all around the house.

I frantically looked everywhere for them. The meltdown that would happen in the morning was something I wanted to avoid at any and all costs. Even if that meant I would have to go out tonight and buy pink rabbit slippers.

"Dammnit" I whispered, I was currently on my hands and knees looking under her bead. No sign of slippers.

"Looking for these?" her small voice carried from the door. I jerked my head from under the bed to fast and ended up hitting my head Hard against the bed.

"Son of a bitch" I stood rubbing the back of my head.

I looked up and damn was I a lucky guy.

Olivia stood in the doorway in nothing but some sleeping shorts and a black sports bra. Her baby bump was huge but I would never tell her that. She was gorgeous. However, the pink rabbit slippers in her hand was the only thing I was concerned with.

She smiled at me "She wanted me to paint her toes, I'm not sure I did that good I can't see anything past my boobs, anyway she left them in our room."

"I could kiss you right now." I smiled at her gosh she was the best.

"I wouldn't object to that." She said coyly back as I wrapped my arms around her a planted a kiss on her lips.

I grabbed the shoes from her hand and placed them at the exact spot they needed to be at. It was a science at this point. Once Lilly got out of bed her feet would hit the floor at this precise location. I needed to make sure the slippers were at that precise location. Which was hard very hard. Like I said it was a science.

I scanned the room and looked at my work. Mentally checking of the list.

Water, check

Fan, check

Slippers, check

I was forgetting something. I knew that. I tried to think about my list with Olivia but it was just second nature at that point. It was a routine that I didn't need a list for.

It didn't help that Olivia was watching me like a hawk.

"The closet baby" she said with a small laugh.

"Right, I knew that" I closed the closets door and gave Lilly one last kiss.

"Good night baby" we both whispered before slightly cracking the door.

We both walked into our room where I continued to do the same routine and get myself ready for bed. Liv cleared her belongings off the bed and fixed the blankets. She finished before I did and was snuggled into bed.

I turned the overhead light off and climbed into bed. The only light left on was my lamp on the nightstand. It illuminated the room enough so that we could see each other. I snuggled into her the baby bump made our snuggling somewhat awkward but we got used to it quickly. She snuggled her face into my neck and returned my embrace.

"We are so lucky to have you" she mumbled into my neck after all the silence.

"And why is that?" I let out a little laugh.

She pulled back out of our embrace and looked into my eyes. "You're just so good to us. You take such good care of the both of us." Her hand ran across her expanding stomach. "well actually you take care of all three of us. You are amazing and you're going to be such a great dad, you already are such a wonderful dad. We are just so lucky to have you." She smiled brightly at me.

She really knew how to pull at my heart strings.

"I am the one that is lucky. I love you long time Olivia Grant." Just as I went to kiss her, she winced in pain.

My hand instantly went to her stomach.

"Whoa, what was that are you okay?" her face was still in a grimace but she didn't look worried.

"Yeah, I am good" she rolled out of my embrace and laid on her back. I scooted closer to her side. My hands rested on top of her hands that were place at the bottom and top of her belly.

She winced again this time it looked like it hurt worse.

"Liv baby what's happening?" my concern reached its peak. I couldn't take my eyes off her face.

A few moments later she smiled and then she saw the look on my face and her smile faltered a little.

"Fitz, honey I am okay this is normal" she smiled bigger than I had ever saw her smile before.

"The baby is just kicking, rather hard. It seems we have a future soccer player on our hands."

"Here" she took my hand and directed it lower on her abdomen. We waited but nothing happened.

"I don't feel anyth- "

"Shhh just give it a minute" as if on command I felt it.

"Oh my god Olivia" I didn't realize how emotional I would be. She really was pregnant and this was all happening. So, the tears that were streaming down my face.

"Oh baby, don't cry" Liv's hand found my hair and smoothed the unruly curls out of my face.

"I can't believe I am feeling this" I said truly astonished "You have a baby in you, gosh that is amazing you are amazing. I love you." I knew I sounded like a kid in a candy store but I did not care. In fact, I did not have one care in this whole entire world.

She ran her hands through my hair as I placed my head on her chest as she smiled at me.

"I am so in love with you Fitzgerald Thomas Grant the third." I didn't look up at her I just kept my head pressed against her breasts and hands around her bump. It wasn't until I heard the sniffles did, I realize she was crying. I moved my head to glance at her as she wiped the tears from her eyes.

"Hey baby what's wrong?" I sat up against the head board and pulled her into my side. Our positions were flipped entirely at this point.

"I have been thinking a lot about what you said." She let out with a sigh tears still streaming down her face.

"You're gonna have to help me out here baby I say a lot of things." I spoke softly while rubbing her baby bump with one free hand and holding her tight with the other.

She let out a small chuckle at my statement.

"about how you've been trying to be the perfect boyfriend and then fiancé and husband and now daddy. I don't think you know though that you already are. you always show up Fitz, always. Even when it is the hardest thing for you to show up you still are there. I don't know how God could have made someone so perfect. I don't return the favor I don't show up for you ever. I have realized that this past couple month I have never shown up for you. I want you to hear me when I say that you don't have to try and be the best at anything because you already are. If anything, I am the one that needs to be doing better. I want you to know that I am trying to be the best wife and mother and I know you will say that I am already but I know that is not the truth. I will do better for you and Lilly and this baby. I want to be the best Fitz. I really want to. I want to show up for you the way you show up for me"

I was silent for a minute trying to keep my emotions in check. Her sniffling only got louder so I knew I needed to say something, except I couldn't form a sentence. I never wanted her to think that she was a bad wife or mother and I would never imply she was. She was great and it broke my heart she thought she was anything less. I composed myself before responding to her.

"On our wedding day Bryce came into my dressing room earlier then everyone else. He sat me down and he said "Fitz are you sure you want to do this? Marry a girl who is ten years younger than you it is kind of a big deal. She is just a kid she is going to resent you in the long run for taking away her youth. I know kids is something you want but when Olivia finally wants them it might be too late. You don't want to be six foot under when your kids are graduating high school. I know you love her but when you love something you let it go right? All I am saying is reconsider committing your life to someone who just now is starting there's." I shifted on to my side to make holding her a little more comfortable for both of us. I watched her body movements to try and read what was happening in her head.

"I didn't know what to say I was dumbfounded. A part of me thought he was right. You were young... you still are so young, much younger than I am. That wasn't why I thought he was right though. I did not want to ruin your youth. You called it the first night we met" I smiled just thinking back to when we first met.

"The charity dinner, the only place where a med student and a lawyer would ever meet. The rule was you weren't allowed to drink what you bought at the bar. I thought it was dumb but then I saw you and suddenly II started thinking what it was you would want. I went with my gut and bought a martini. I remember the look on your face when I handed it to you." I laughed at the memory.

"I should not have gone with my gut. Anyways, after we started talking you told me that you hated martinis and that you weren't supposed to be talking to the guests. It took me way too long to realize that you were working the dinner. I asked you out on an official date and you said… dammit what did you say?" I was playing dumb. I could never forget what she said to me that day. It was a moment in time that would be hard to forget.

"I said this will never work I'm the black resident who is half your age and you are the white lawyer who has a great political future. You are infatuated you see something you can't have something exotic and magical. Things between us are impossible" She recited it word for word. It was like we were taken back in time. To four years ago.

"That's right, but Somehow I convinced you to go out with me. I mean it took me six weeks but I finally convinced you. We hit it off, I fell so deep in love with you. It was like a fairy tale romance. I never second guessed anything. That was until Bryce sat me down on our wedding day. When I met you, I knew I met the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. You and Bryce were right though. You were young and for the first time in our entire relationship I felt like some old man who was taking advantage. I was worried that you had realized how far out of my league you were. I was worried that I would be standing at the end of the alter and the music would start playing and every one we ever loved would be staring at me and waiting for you…. And you would never show up."

She looked up at me, she had fresh tears rolling down her perfect face. I smiled down at her and kissed her forehead as I finished telling her the story.

"But you know what the music played and the doors opened and their you were and I realized that you loved me enough to marry me and accept me for exactly who I am even if I was an old man. With each step you took toward me down the aisle, I felt as though you were stepping deeper and deeper into me. I felt bashful and beloved and vulnerable and grateful and every other emotion that I never knew I had buried deep inside of me. You looked at me and you had on that perfect dress and I just thought damn she is it. She is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with and I she chose me."

I pulled her closer to me.

"Liv, I didn't think I had to tell you that you were a great wife and I didn't think I had to tell you that you are the world's best mother. Sometimes you detach yourself. you have been hurt so many times in so many ways that sometimes you push the good things away. But when you love you love hard and that is only one of the millions of things, I love about you. You have flaws just as much as I do that doesn't mean your bad at being my wife. You showed up that day, for me and this crazy life we have."

"Liv look at me." At me I softly demanded. Her brown orbs instantly clashed with my eyes. They were puffy and red from all the crying and her tear-stricken face was causing my heart to break in my chest.

"You showed up when it counted. You showed up for me. So, I have no problem showing up for you. In love you so much Livvie, so much that you will never understand. I am the lucky one. Okay?"

"Okay" she whispered. I reached down and connected our lips in a soft kiss. It wasn't like we were battling out anything or we were both starved for the others touch. I was craving an end to this very intimate moment and I knew that a kiss would seal the deal.

"Now let's get some sleep. It's late and we have a big day tomorrow." I reached and turned my bedside light off. Darkness swarmed all around us as we found our spots on the bed. Liv tucked perfectly into my side and her head resting on my chest.

"I never second-guessed walking down the aisle. I knew it was you, I knew you were going to be it for me the second you put that disgusting martini in my hand." She mumbled against my chest before letting out a yawn.

I watched her silhouette and the rise and fall of her chest for a few minutes. Before I found myself being lulled into sleep.

Peaceful, happy, and completely, utterly in love with my wife.

* * *

_**A/N Just a little fluff to help you through your ****quarantine****. I know i am going to get a lot of questions about the timeline. Sooo when i figure it out i will let you all know. For now ****enjoy**** these two being happy and worr**_**ying about little things. Hope you are all safe and healthy. As always know you are so loved **

**~D**


End file.
